THE LOEB CLASSICAL LIBRARY
FOUNDED BY JAMES LOEB, LL.D.
EDITED BY fT. E. PAGE, C.H., LTTT.D.
t E. CAPPS, PH.D., LL.D. t W. H, D. ROUSE, litt.d.
L. A. POST, M.A. E. H. WARMINGTON, m.a., r.B.HisT.soc.
PLAUTUS V
P L A U T U S
WITH AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION BY
PAUL NIXON
DKAK OF BOWDOIN OOLUKGK, XAIKS
IN FIVE VOLUMES V
SnCHUS
THREE BOB DAY
TRUCULENTUS
THE TALE OF A TRAVELLING BAG
FRAGMENTS
.#e
LONDON
WILLIAM HEINEMANN LTD
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS
HARVARD UNIVERSITY PRESS
MCMLII
First printed 193S Reprinted 1952
Pfl
T
Printed in Great Britain
THE GREEK ORIGINALS AND DATES OF THE PLAYS IN THE FIFTH VOLUME
The Stichus was adapted from Menander's 'A8*A^oi, a second 'A3eA<^oi, and was presented at Rome in A.D. 200. The date of presentation of its original is less certain. The combined facts that the brothers had been able to enjoy three years of apparently peaceful ^ trading in Asia, that the people of Am- bracia had envoys \isiting Athens,^ that Pinacium intends to make things unpleasant for any " king " ^ who blocks his path and expects such an impressive * welcome from his mistress, lead Hueffner ^ to believe that the 'ABe\(f>oi was produced in 306 b.c. when Demetrius Poliorcetes wintered at Athens with much pomp and circumstance.
References in the Trinummus to Asian trade and war,® and to busybodies knowing quid in aurem rex reginae dixerit ' cause Hueffner ® to assign its Greek original, Philemon's ©T^cravpos, to the period when this same Demetrius Poliorcetes ruled in Athens, 292-287 B.C. The Trinummus itself seems to have been produced no earUer than 194 b.c.
^ Stich. 402-405. * Stich. 490-491.
» Stich. 287. * Stich. 290-291.
» Hueffner, 46. • Trin. 598-599.
' Trin. 207. » Huefiner, 61.
THE GREEK ORIGINALS
The original of the Truculentus is unknown. Stratophanes' statement that he overthrew Syria,i together with Diniarchus' allusion to going to Lemnos cum publico imperio '^ make it likely that that original was pi'oduced in Athens between 299 and 297 B.c.^ The Truculentus was written toward the end of Plautus' life and probably was presented at Rome about 186 b.c.
1 True. 530-532. ^ True. 91-92.
» Hueffner, 33.
VI
SOME ANNOTATED EDITIONS OF PLAYS IN THE FIFTH VOLUME
Stichus, Fennell; Cambridge, Cambridge Univer- sity Press, 1893.
Trinummus, Fairclough ; New York, The Macmil- lan Company, 1909.
Trinummus, Freeman and Sloman ; Oxford, Claren- don Press, 1885.
Trinummus, Morris ; Boston and London, Ginn and Company, 1898.
Truculenius, Spengel; Gottingen, Vandenhoeck und Ruprecht, 1868.
m
CONTENTS
I. Stichus poge 1
II. Trinummus, or Three Bob Day 97
III. Truculentus 223
IV. Vidularia, or The Tale of a Travelling Bag 333
V. Fragments 351
Index 367
IX
STICHVS
STICHUS
GRAECA ADELPHOE MENANDRU
ACTA LUDIS PLEBEIS CN. BAEBIO C. TERENTIO AED. PL.
T. PUBLILIUS PELLIO MARCIPOR OPPII
TIBIIS SARRANIS TOTAM
C. SULPICIO C. AURELIO COS.
STICHUS
FROM THE GREEK PLAY OF MENANDER, THE BROTHERS.
ACTED AT THE PLEBEIAN GAMES IN
THE PLEBEIAN AEDILESHIP OF GNAEUS
BAEBIUS AND GAIUS TERENTIUS.
PRODUCED BY TITUS PUBLILIUS PELLIO.
xVIUSIC, ON TYRIAN FLUTES THROUGHOUT, BY OPPIUS' MARCIPOR.
GAIUS SULPICIUS AND GAIUS AURELIUS, CONSULS.
ARGVMENTVM I
Duas sorores simul in matrimonium duo fratres ducunt. post re confracta duo rem quaerunt peregre, qui paupertatem levent. ibi absunt peregrinantes per triennium. sorores nolunt prodere absentes viros. pater castigat propter earn rem filias ; sed ei persuadent, aliis ne se conlocet. reveniunt opibus aucti ad uxores viri ; facete reduces ludunt. potant servuli.
ARGVMENTVM II
Senex castigat filias, quod eae viros Tam perseverent peregrinantis pauperes Ita sustinere fratres neque relinquere ; Contraque verbis delenitur commodis, Habere ut sineret quos semel nactae forent. Viri reveniunt opibus aucti trans mare ; Suam quisque retinet, ac Sticho ludus datur.
4
ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (I)
Two brothers marrj' two sisters at the same time. Later, having lost their money, the brothers go abroad to recoup these losses that have left them poor. And abroad they stay for three long years. The sisters ^\^ll not hear of gi^^ng up their absent husbands. This leads their father to upbraid them ; but they persuade him not to marry them to other m.en. Home come the husbands to their wives at last, affluent again; and a lively time the home- comers have. The slaves carouse.
ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (II)
An old gentleman upbraids his daughters for standing by their husbands through thick and thin and refusing to give them up, two impoverished brothers then abroad. The girls, however, find the proper words to appease him and are permitted to keep the mates they already have. Their hus- bands, affluent again, return from across the sea. They have their \\-ives secure, and Stichus is allowed to celebrate.
PERSONAE
PANEGYRIS VXOR EPIGNOMI SOROR VXOR PAMPHILIPPi ANTIPHO SENEX GELASIMVS PARASITVS CROCOTIVM ANCILLA PINACIVM PVER EPIGNOMVS ) PAMPHILIPPVS/^'^^'^^^^ STICHVS
ISERVl SANGARINVS/
STEPHANIVM ANCILLA
J'
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Paxegyris, wife of Epignomus.
Sister of Panegyris, and rvife of Pampkilippus.
Antipho, their father, an old gentleman of Athens.
Gelasimus, a parasite.
Crocotium, maid to Panegyris.
PiNACiuM, slave boy of Panegyris.
Epignomus "\ , ., .., .
Ti \ brothers, youns Athenians.
PamphilippusJ •' "
Stichus, slave of Epignomus.
Sangarixus, slave of Pamphilippus.
Stkphanium, maid to Pamphilippus' ivife.
ACTVS I
Pan. Credo ego miseram
fuisse Penelopam,
soror, suo ex animo,
quae tam diu vidua
viro suo caruit ;
nam nos eius animum
de nostris factis noscimus, quarum viri hinc apsunt,
quorumque nos negotiis apsentum, ita ut aequom est,
soUicitae noctes et dies, soror, sumus semper. Sor. Nostrum officium
nos facere aequomist,
neque id magis facimus
quam nos monet pietas.
sed hie, soror, asside dum : multa volo tecum
loqui de re viri. Pan. Salvene, amabo ? 10
Sor. Spero quidem et volo ; sed hoc, soror, crucior,
patrem tuom meumque adeo, unice qui unus ^
civibus ex omnibus probus perhibetur,
eum nunc improbi viri officio uti,
viris qui tantas apsentibus nostris
facit iniurias immerito
nosque ab eis abducere volt.
^ Corrupt (Leo).
Scene : — Athens. A street in rchich stand the houses of Epignomus, Pamphilippus and Antipho.
ACT I
ENTER Panegyris and her sister into doorway of
Panegyris' house, they look down the street,
disappointedly.
{querulously) Ah, Penelope must have felt dreary, sister, living alone •without her husband all that time. We know what her feelings ^vere, all right, from what's happened to us, with our husbands gone, and we for ever anxious about their affairs while they're away — and so we should be, sister — day and night.
{resolutely) We should do our duty, and what we do is no more than our loyalty dictates, {droning her to a couch mthin the nide open doors) But do come and sit down here, dear. There's lots I want to talk over with you — it's this husband matter. {as they seat themselves) Mercy ! All's well, isn't it ? I certainly hope so and ■vvish so. But here's what torments me, sister — to have your father, yes, and mine, who's held to be the one outstanding man of high principles in this whole city, to have him, him, act like an unprincipled scoundrel now in doing our absent husbands such dreadful, un- deserved injustice and wanting to take us away
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
haec res vitae me, soror, saturant,
haec mihi dividiae et senio sunt. Pan. Ne laeruma, soror, neu tuo id animo 20
fac quod tibi tuos pater facere minatur :
spes est eum melius faeturum.
novi ego ilium : ioeulo istaec dicit,
neque ille sibi mereat Persarum
montis, qui esse aurei perhibentur,
ut istuc faciat quod tu metuis.
tamen si faciat, minime irasci
decet, neque id immerito eveniet.
nam viri nostri domo ut abierunt,
hie tertius annus. Sor. Ita ut memoras, 30
Pan. Quom ipsi interea vivant, valeant,
ubi sint, quid agant, ecquid agant,
neque participant nos, neque redeunt. Sor. An id doles, soror, quia illi suom officium
non colunt, quom tu tuom facis ? Pan. Ita poi.
Sor. Tace sis, cave sis audiam ego istuc
posthac ex te. Pan. Nam quid iam ?
Sor. Quia pol meo animo omnis sapientis
suom officium aequom est colere et facere. 40
quam ob rem ego te hoc, soror, tametsi es maior,
moneo, ut tuom memineris officium :
etsi illi improbi sint atque aliter
nobis faciant quam aequomst, tam pol
ne quid magi' sit,^ omnibus obnixe ooibus
nostrum officium meminisse decet.
* magi^ sit Lindsay, sit A : magis simus (Leo), lacuna noted. 10
STICHUS
from them, (choking) It's this that makes me tired of life, dear. It's this that makes me feel so harassed, so worn.
Pan. (petting her) There, there, sister, don't cry ! Don't treat your oift-n self the way your father threatens to treat you. I'm in hopes he'll do better than that by us. I know him : he's having his little joke. \Miy, not for all those fabled Persian mountains made of gold would he do the thing you fear, (somen-hat resentfully) Even if he did, though, we have no earthly right to be angry, and it wouldn't be an\i:hing (with emphasis) undeserved. WTiy, it's three years now since those husbands of ours left home.
Sitter (sobbing) Yes, three years.
Pan. (her resentment rising) And all this time whether they're safe and sound, where they are, what they're doing, how they're doing — they don't vouchsafe us a word and they don't return.
Sister (tearfully) Is this what . . . bothers you, sister, that they . . . disregard their duty while you do yours ?
Pan. Yes, indeed it is !
Sister Will you please hush ! Will you please never let me hear any . . . such words from you again !
Pan. And pray why not ?
Sister Why, because, as I see it, right . . . thinking people should all have regard for what's their own . . . duty and do it. So no matter if you are the older, dear, I warn you to keep your own duty in mind. Even if our husbands are irresponsible and do treat us , . . inconsiderately, well then, we mustn't add to the . . . injury, but exert every effort to remember what our o'wn . . . duty is.
II
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Pan. Placet : taceo.
Sor. At memineris facito.^
1.2.
Ant. Qui manet ut moneatur semper servos homo officium
suom nee voluntate id facere meminit, servos is habitu hau
probust. vos meministis quot kalendis petere demensum
cibum : 60
qui minus meministis quod opus sit facto facere in
aedibus ? iam quidem in suo quicque loco nisi erit mihi situm
supellectilis, quom ego revortar, vos monimentis commonefaciam
bubulis. non homines habitare mecum mi hie videntur, sed
sues, facite sultis, nitidae ut aedes meae sint, quom
redeam domum. iam ego domi adero : ad meam maiorem filiam
inviso modo ; siquis me quaeret, inde vocatote aliqui ; aut iam
egomet hie ero.
^ Leo brackets following vv., 48-57 : Pan. Nolo ego, soror, me credi esse immemorem viri,
neque ille eos honores, mihi quos habuit, perdidit ;
tiam, pol m,ihi grata accepiaque eiust henignitas.
et me quidem haec condicio nunc non paenitet,
neque est cur ^ studeam has nuptias mutarier ;
verum postremo in patris potestate est situm :
faciendum id nobis quod parentes imperant. Sor. Scio, atque in cogilando maerore augeor,
nam propemodum iam ostendit suam sententiam. Pan. Igitur quaeramus, nobis quid facto usus sit. ^ Leo brackets following non.
12
STICHUS
Pan. {rvith a hug) You're right; I'll hush. Sister But see you . . , remember.^ (both cri/ and comfort each other)
Scene 2. enter Antipho, glowering, iptto his doorway.
Ant. {hotly, to servants rvithin) A slave that's eternally remiss in doing his duty till he's reminded and never remembers it of his own accord, well, he's a slave of no principles. You fellows remember to claim your rations the first of every month. What makes your memories fail you for doing what needs to be done in the house ? Now mark mv words ! If things aren't arranged in there just exactly where they ought to be, when I return, the reminders you get from me will be memorials of cowhide. It looks as if I were living here with swine, not human beings. You kindly see to it that this house of mine is spick and span by the time I'm back. I'll soon be home ; I'm only going over to my elder daughter's. If anyone wants me, you come there and call me — or I'll soon be here myself. {leaves the doorway and then halts, meditating)
1 w. 4»-57 :
Pan. I don't want to be thought unmindful of my husband, sister, and his esteem of me isn't wasted, either. No indeed, I'm certainly grateful for his kind-heartedness and appreciate it. And so far as I'm concerned, my marriage isn't some- thing I now regret or have any reason for desiring changed. But after all, our father has absolute authority in this : we simply must obey parental orders.
Sigtei I know, and that's what depresses me all the more when I think about it. for already he has pretty nearly shown us how he feels.
Pan. Then let's consider what our best course is.
13
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Sor. Quid agimus, soror, si offirmabit pater adversum
nos? Pan. Pati
nos oportet quod ille faciat, cuius potestas plus
potest, exorando, haud adversando sumendam operam
censeo : 70
gratiam per si petimus, spero ab eo impetrassere ; adversari sine dedecore et scelere summo haud
possumus, neque equidem id factura neque tu ut facias con- silium dabo, verura ut exoremus. novi ego nostros : exorabilest. Ant. Principium ego quo pacto cum illis occipiam, id
ratiocinor : utrum ego perplexim lacessam oratione ad hunc
modum, quasi numquam quicquam in eas simulem, quasi nil
indaudiverim eas in se meruisse culpam, an potius temptem
saeviter,^ si manere hie sese malint potius quam alio nubere. 80 non faciam, quid mi opust decurso aetatis spatio
cum meis gerere bellum, quom nil, quam ob rem id faciam,
meruisse arbitror ? minime, nolo turbas, sed hoc mihi optumima factu
arbitror : ^ perplexabiliter earum hodie perpavefaciam pectora; post id ^ igitur deinde, ut animus meus erit, faciam
palam.
^ Leo brackets following v., 79 : an minaciter. scio litis fore, ego meas novi optume.
H
STICHUS
What shall we do, sister, if father holds out in
opposing us ?
We'll have to do as he sees fit, he having the upper hand. But it seems to me we should rely on appeal rather than opposition. If we ask it as a favour, I have my hopes he'll acquiesce ; opposing him's impossible without our seeming a perfectly shame- less and dreadful pair. I certainly won't do it, and I won't advise you to do it, either. Appeal's the thing. I know our family : he's open to appeal. (still buried in meditation) It's hard to figure how I'd best begin approaching them about it. Should I open up on 'em in a befoggy sort of way, as if I weren't charging them with anything at all, as if I had no inkling of their ha\ing been in the least at fault ? Or should I come down on 'em hard,^ if they prefer staying here to taking other hus- bands ? (cogitates further) I won't do it. What's the use, now that my course is run, of fighting with my own girls when thev really seem to have done nothing to deserve it ? I certainly won't. No squabbles for me. No, this seems to be my best plan of action : ^ (chuckling) I'll befoggify 'em to-day till they're both beflabbergasted ; and then after that I'll go on and make it plain how I feel.
* V. 79 : Or with threat-s? I know there'll be protests. I'm thoroughly acquainted with my daughters.
* V. 84 : This is what I'll do : I'll make believe they've misbehaved somehow.
* Leo brackets 'ollowing v., 84 :
sicjaciam : adsimulaho quasi qtuim culpam in aese cuimiserint.
* Leo brackets following agam.
IS
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
multa scio faciunda verba, ibo intro. sed apertast foris. Sor. Certo enim mihi paternae vocis sonitus auris accidit. Pan. Is est ecastor. ferre advorsum homini occupemus
osculum, Sor. Salve, mi pater.
Ant. Et vos ambae. ilico agite assidite. 90
Sor. Osculum —
Ant. Sat est osculi mihi vostri.
Pan. Qui, amabo, pater?
Ant. Quia ita meae animae salsura evenit. Sor. Asside hie, pater.
Ant. Non sedeo istic, vos sedete ; ego sedero in subselHo. Pan. Mane pulvinum.
Ant. Bene procuras. mihi satis sic fultumst. sede.
Sor. Sine, pater. Ant. Quid opust ?
Pan. Opust.
Ant. Morem tibi geram. atque hoc est satis.
Sor. Numquam enim nimis curare possunt suom parexi- tem filiae.
quem aequiust nos potiorem habere quam te? postidea, pater,
viros nostros, quibus tu voluisti esse nos matres familias.
i6
STICHUS
It 11 take a lot of talking, that's sure. Well, I'll
go in. {approaching PoTiegyris' house) But the
door's open.
\\'hy, that was the sound of father's voice I caught,
it certainly was !
(peeking) Goodness, yes, it's he! Let's surprise
him with a kiss as he comes in. (they do so tvith
high success)
Good morning, father dear !
(feigning grufness and trying to release himself)
Same to you both. That'll do, that'll do, sit
down !
{both still embracing him) Just a kiss —
I've had enough of your kissing.
Oh, father dear, how can you say that ?
(scanning their tear-stained faces) Because it already
has made my breath briny.
(trying to dratv him to the cottck) Sit down here,
father.
Not I, you two sit there. I'll sit on this bench
myself, (does so) Pan. Wait — a cushion I (makes him comfortable) Ant. (liking it) You do take good care of me. There,
there, that's plenty of propping. Sit down. Sister (bringing another cushion) Just one more, father. Ant. Oh, what's the sense ? Pan. (as they fuss over him) But there is. Ant. (succumbing) I give up. (they complete his comfort)
Now that's plenty, plenty. Sister ^^'hy, daughters can't ever take too good care of
their parents. \Mio ought to be held higher by
us than vou ? And next to you, (nith a sly glance
at Panegyris) our husbands, father, that you your- self \\'ished us to be married to.
17
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Ant. Bonas ut aequomst facere facitis, quom tamen apsentis viros proinde habetis quasi praesentes sint. Sor. Pudicitiast, pater, 100
eos nos magnificare, qui nos socias sumpserunt sibi. Ant. Num quis hie est alienus nostris dietis auceps
auribus ? Pan. Nullus praeter nosque teque.
Ant. Vostrum animum adhiberi volo ;
nam ego ad vos nunc imperitus rerum et morum
mulierum, discipulus venio ad magistras : quibus matronas
moribus, quae optumae sunt, esse oportet ? sed utraque ut dicat mihi. Sor. Quid istuc est quod hue exquaesitum mulierum
mores venis ? Ant. Pol ego uxorem quaero, postquam vostra mater
mortuast. Sor. Facile invenies et peiorem et peius moratam, pater, quam ilia fuit : meliorem neque tu reperies neque sol videt. 110
Ant. At ego ex te exquaero atque ex istae tua sorore. Sor. Edepol pater,
scio ut oportet esse : si sint — ita ut ego aequom eenseo. Ant. Volo scire ergo, ut aequom censes. Sor. Vt, per urbem quom ambulent,
omnibus os opturent, ne quis merito male dicat sibi.
z8
STICHUS
(mth apparent heartiness) You act as good wives
ought to act in having the same regard for your
absent husbands as if they were present.
[hiding her surprise) It's only decent of us, father,
to hold in honour men who've chosen us to be their
helpmates.
{jpeering about) There's no outsider within earshot
eavesdropping on what we sav ?
{looking startled) No one but you and us.
{very grave and confidentiat) Well then, I wish to be
accorded your attention. The fact is, unfamiliar
as I am \^ith feminine affairs and characteristics,
I am coming to you girls now as a pupil to his
teachers. Tell me what characteristics should
women have, to be the verj- best v^ives and
mothers ? {as his daughters exchange rvondering
glances) But I want the opinion of each of you.
What's your idea in coming to us with questions
about feminine characteristics ?
Well, I am looking for a wife, {the girb gasp) now
that your mother is no more.
{after a pained silence) Ah, father, you'll easily find
a worse one and one with worse characteristics
than hers. A better one you'll never find ; there's
not one under the sun.
Still, I ask this question of you and your sister there.
{hesitantly) Dear me, father, I . . . know the sort
they should have : if they're to be — the sort I . . .
approve of.
{enjoying the situation) Ah then, 1 wish to know the
sort you do approve of.
Well, the sort that . . . seen on the city streets . . .
mew up all mahgning mouths and give no one
cause for gossip.
19
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Ant. Die vicissim nunciam tu.
Pan. Quid vis tibi dicam, pater?
Ant. Vbi facillime spectatur mulier, quae ingenio est
bono ? Pan. Quoi male faciundi est potestas, quae ne id faciat
temperat.^ Ant. Qui potest mulier vitare vitiis ? Sor. Vt cottidie 121
pridie caveat ne faciat quod pigeat postridie. Ant. Quae tibi mulier videtur multo sapientissuma ? Pan. Quae tamen, cum res secundae sunt, se poterit noscere, et ilia quae aequo animo patietur sibi esse peius quam fuit. Ant. Edepol vos lepide temptavi vostrumque ingenium ingeni. sed hoc est quod ad vos venio quodque esse ambas
conventas volo : mi auctores ita sunt amici, ut vos hinc abducam domum. Sor. At enim nos, quarum res agitur, aliter auctores sumus. nam aut olim, nisi tibi placebant, non datas oportuit, 130 aut nunc non aequomst abduci, pater, illisce apsentibus. A?it. Vosne ego patiar cum mendicis nuptas me vivo
viris ? Sor. Placet ille meus mihi mendicus : suos rex reginae placet.
* Leo brackets following w., 118-120 : Ant. Hau male istuc. age tu altera, utra sit condicio pensior,
virginemne an viduam habere ? Sor. Quanta mea sapientiast,
ex malts m,uUis malum, quod m,inim,um,st, id m.inimest malum,.
STICHUS
(to Panegyris) Your turn now, let me hear from you.
What do you want to hear from me, father ?
The best proof of a woman's excellence of character.
Her . . . having the chance to do wrong and the
self-restraint not to.^
(to Sister) How can a woman keep free from faults ?
r Oh, by . . . daily avoidance the . . . day before of . . . actions she'll regret the day after, (to Panegyris) Hm ! And who is far the wisest sort of woman, in your opinion ?
The one that can . . . really see herself even when things go well, and still is . . . cheerful and patient when they {on the verge of tearv) don't. (laughing heartily) Well, well, my dears, this has been a most entertaining test of you and your OA\-n characteristics of character! (finally checking their demonstrative relief) But here's the true cause of my coming to you and wishing a conference with you both : my friends are advising me to take you away to my own home.
?r {fondling him) Ah, but it's our lives that are affected, and we advise you otherwise. For either you ought not to have given us at all to husbands you didn't esteem, or now it's unfair, father, to take us away from those husbands in their absence. irvith a poor show of indignation) So I'm to let you girls stay married, in my own Ufetime, to mendicants ?
er That mendicant of mine is dear to me ; it's her
» w. 118-120: Not bad, that, (to Sister) Come, you other one — which makes the more desirable wife, maid or widow ? later To the best of my . . . knowledge, of infinite ills the . . . least irksome is the ill that . . . irks the least.
21
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
idem animust in paupertate qui olim in divitiis fuit : ^ non tu me argento dedisti, opinor, nuptum, sed viro. Ant. Quid illos exspectatis, qui abhinc iam abierunt triennium ? quin vos capitis condicionem ex pessuma primariam ? Pan. Stultitiast, pater, venatum ducere invitas canes, hostis est uxor, invlta quae viro nuptum datur. Ant. Certumne est neutram vostrarum persequi im-
perium patris ? Pan. Persequimur, nam quo dedisti nuptum, abire
nolumus. Ant. Bene valete. ibo atque amicis vostra consilia
eloquar. Pan. Probiores credo arbitrabunt, si probis narraveris. Ant. Curate igitur familiarem rem ut potestis. Pan. Optmne,
nunc places, quom recte monstras; nunc tibi
auscultabimus. nunc, soror, abeamus Intro. Sor. Immo intervisam domum.
si a viro tibi forte veniet nuntius, facito ut sciam. Pan. Neque ego te celabo, neque tu me celassis quod
^ Leo brackets following v., 135 : Ant. Vosne latrones et mendicos homines magni penditis f
STICHUS
own prince that's dear to a princess. Poor as we are or rich as we were, I feel the same.^ It wasn't to money you married me, I assxmie, but to a man.
But why wait for men who went away and left you three years ago ? Why not make a first-rate match, in place of one that's the worst possible ? (also fondling him) It's foolish, father, to lead unwilling hounds to hunt. The man that's given an unwilling wife marries an enemy. Then you're both resolved not to obey your father's orders ?
We do obey them, in holding to the husbands you gave us.
(rising) Well, goodbye, my dears, {qtdzzically) I'll go and inform my friends of your intentions. (as they hover about him, seeing him off) And they'll respect us the more for them, I fancy, if they're friends to be respected.
(going) Well then, manage your household affairs as best you can, girls.
(calling to him) Oh, that's fine! Now you're just a dear, with advice like that ; now we'll listen to you. [exit Antipho, leaving his daughters jubilant. Now then, sister, let's go inside. I can't, I must look after things at home. If you happen to get a message from your husband, be sure you let me know.
[exit. (as she disappears) I shan't keep back anything I know from you, nor you from me, either. (£oes to her door and calls) Hullo there ! Crocotium !
» v. 135: Banditfi and beggars — you girls prize them ail, eh T
23 VOL. V. «
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
eho, Crocotium, i, parasitum Gelasimum hue arcessito, 150
tecum adduce ; nam ilium ecastor mdttere ad portum volo,
si quae forte ex Asia navis heri aut hodie venerit.
nam dies totos apud portum servos unus assidet ;
sed tamen volo intervisi. propera atque actutum redi.
1.3.
Gel. Famem ego fuisse suspicor matrem mihi,
nam postquam natus sum, satur numquam fui.
neque quisquam melius referet matri gratiam ^
neque rettulit, quam ego refero meae matri Fami.
nam ilia me in alvo menses gestavit decern,
at ego illam in alvo gesto plus annos decern. 160
atque ilia puerum me gestavit parvolum,
quo minus laboris cepisse illam existumo :
ego non pauxillulam in utero gesto famem,
verum hercle multo maximam et gravissimam ;
uteri dolores mihi oboriuntur cotidie,^
sed matrem parere nequeo, nee quid agam scio.
atque auditavi saepe hoc volgo dicier,
solere elephantum gravidam perpetuos decern
esse annos ; eius ex semine haec certost fames,
nam iam complures annos utero haeret meo. 170
* Leo brackets following v., 157 » :
quam ego meae matri refero invitissimua.
^ Corrupt (Leo) : quot dies Goetz.
^ V. 157* : Than I square accounts with my mother, much as I hate to.
24
,1
STICHUS
ENTER Crocotium. Go and find the parasite Gelasimus, bring him here ^\^th you. I simply must send him to the harbour to see if some ship hasn't possibly arrived from Asia yesterday or to-day. Even though I do have a slave stationed at that harbour all the time, I want someone to go and look. Hurry up, and return at once.
[exit into her house, Crocotium hurrying only
AS FAR AS Antipko's DOORWAY, WHERE SHE STOPS TO CHAT WITH ANOTHER SLAVE.
scene 3. enter Gelasimus, obviously living in
A HARD, COLD WORLD.
!. Dear, dear, I do suspect that I'm the son of old mother Hunger herself, for never since my birth have I had my fill. And no one ever will square accounts \\ith his mother,^ or ever has, better than I square 'em with my mother Hunger. Why, she carried me in her belly a mere ten months, while I've carried her in mine ten years and more. Yes, and I was only a mite of a thing when she carried me, which must have reduced the labour for her. But this Hunger I'm carrying in my inside is no miniature. Lord, not by a jugful! It's the biggest, most unwieldy one on record! I get my pains there every day, yet still can't manage to deliver mother, and what to do about it I don't know. I've often a-heard the common saying, that an elephant stays in the family way for ten years straight; that's the stock this Hunger of mine must come from, for it's been hanging to my insides for years and years already.
25
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
nunc si ridiculum hominem quaerat quispiam, venalis ego sum cum ornamentis omnibus ; inanimentis explementum quaerito. Gelasimo nomen mi indidit parvo pater, quia inde iam a pausillo puero ridiculus fui.* propter pauperiem hoc adeo nomen repperi, eo quia paupertas fecit ridiculus forem ; nam ilia artis omnis perdocet, ubi quem attigit. per annonam caram dixit me natum pater : propterea, credo, nunc essurio acrius. 180
sed generi nostro haec redditast benignitas : nulli negare soleo, siquis me essum vocat. oratio una interiit hominum pessume, atque optuma hercle meo animo et scitissuma, qua ante utebantur : " veni illo ad cenam, sic face, promitte vero, ne gravare. est commodum ? volo inquam fieri, non amittam quin eas." nunc reppererunt iam ei verbo vicariiun — nihili quidem hercle verbumst ac vilissimum : " vocem te ad cenam, nisi egomet cenem foris." 190
ei hercle ego verbo lumbos diffractos vehm, ni vere perierit, si cenassit domi. haec verba subigunt me uti mores barbaros discam atque ut faciam praeconis compendium itaque auctionem praedicem, ipse ut venditem. Croc. Hie illest parasitus, quem arcessitum missa sum. quae loquitur auscultabo prius quam conloquar.
^ Corrupt (Leo) : inde deleted (Quietus). 26
STICHUS
{surveying the neighbourhood rvith a sigh) Well now, if anyone's hunting for a humourist, here I am for sale, with my entire equipment ; what I always hunt, myself, is {soulfuUy) satiation of my inanitions. I got the name Gelasimus from my father as a youngster, for even since I was a little shaver I've been a {smirking) jolly ass. And besides, I acquired this name from being poor, for it was poverty made a professional humourist out of me. Ah, poverty does teach all the arts to anyone she lights on. Father told me food was dear when I was born. No doubt that's why I'm damn near starved at present. But our family's always been endowed with altruism : I never refuse a living soul that asks me out to eat. It's \\icked, though, the way one kind of speech, that people used to make, has perished from the earth, the noblest, most appealing speech, by gad, that ever was, in my opinion : " Come on to dinner — do, you must — there, there, now! Promise — don't fight shy. The time is right ? I tell you I insist. You can't escape me till you come." But now they've found a new set phrase they substitute — and, oh Lord, it's the scummiest, scurviest phrase I know : " I'd ask you in to dinner, but I'm dining out myself." Ugh! I'd hke to see that phrase get its loins wTCcked, " unless it suffers the worse fate of having to dine at home." It's phrases of this sort that con- strain me to learn foreign customs, so I must dispense with an auctioneer and announce my o^vn auction, and offer myself for sale. {aside, seeing Gelasimus, her friend having left) Here's that parasite I was sent to fetch. I'll just catch what he's saying before I speak to him.
27
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Gel. Sed curiosi sunt hie complures mali,
alienas res qui curant studio maximo,
quibus ipsis nullast res, quam procurent, sua : 200
ei quando quern auctionem facturum sciunt,
adeunt, perquirunt quid sit causae ilico :
alienum aes cogat an pararit praedium,
uxorin sit reddenda dos divortio.
eos omnis tametsi hercle haud indignos iudico
qui multum miseri sint, laborent, nil moror :
dicam auctionis causam, ut damno gaudeant ;
nam curiosus nemo est quin sit malevolus.^
damna evenerunt maxuma misero raihi,
ita me mancupia miserum adfecerunt male, 210
potationes plurumae demortuae,
quot adeo cenae, quas deflevi, mortuae,
quot potiones mulsi, quae autem prandia,
quae inter continuom perdidi triennium.
prae maerore adeo miser atque aegritudine
consenui ; paene sum fame emortuos. Croc. Ridiculus aeque nullus est quando esurit. Gel. Nunc auctionem facere decretumst mihi :
foras necessumst quidquid habeo vendere.
adeste sultis, praeda erit praesentium, 220
logos ridiculos vendo. age licemini.
qui cena poscit ? ecqui poscit prandio ?
hercle aestumavi prandio, cena tibi,
^ Leo brackets following v., 208 » : ipse egomet qriam ob rem auctionem praedicem,.
^ V. 208" : The reason why I myself announce an auction. 28
STICHUS
(tvifk a casual glance at the audience) But this place is overrun Mith inquisitive riffraff, heart and soul intent on other folk's business, having none of their own that claims attention. WTien they learn anyone's holding an auction, up they come and straightway pry into the reasons for it : " Dunned for his debts, is he ? " " Investing in real estate ? " " Wife divorced and dowrj- to be returned, eh ? " All right, I don't mind, though I must admit that the whole drove of 'em deser\'e to be the poor, hard-working de\ils that they are. So I'll state the reasons for the auction myself and let 'em revel in my misfortunes — for no one is inquisitive without wishing for the worst.^ (loudly, playing public crier) I am a miserable man ; dire misfortunes have befallen me. Alas ! It is my possessions that have made me a miserable man — countless drinks quite dead and gone — and all the poor dead dinners I have mourned, besides — and all the draughts of mead, aye, and noonday meals that I have missed within these last three years ! Alas, alas, sorrow and suffering have made me old before my time ; I am almost dead and gone myself from hunger.
(aside) He's just the funniest fellow ever, when he's ravenous.
Now I have determined to hold an auction : all that I possess I must sell to strangers. (to spectators, changing to auctioneer) Step up, please, step up ! Prizes for all present ! For sale — some funny stories ! Come, make your bids ! (silence) \\Tio offers a dinner.' (silence) Anyone offer a lunch ? (more silence) Gad, I thought 'em worth a lunch or one of (to a spectator) your dinners ! (to
29
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
ehem, adnuistin ? nemo meliores dabit.^
vel unctiones Graecas sudatorias
vendo vel alias malacas, crapularias ;
cavillationes, adsentatiunculas
ac perieratiunculas parasiticas ;
robiginosam strigilem, ampuUam rubidam, 230
parasitum inanem quo recondas reliquias.
haec veniisse iam opus est quantum potest,
ut decumam partem Herculi polluceam. Croc. Ecastor auctionem baud magni preti.
adhaesit homini ad infimum ventrem fames.
adibo ad hominem. Get. Quis haec est quae advorsum it mihi ?
Epignomi ancilla haec quidem est Crocotium. Croc. Gelasime, salve.
Gel. Non id est nomen mihi.
Croc. Certo mecastor id fuit nomen tibi. 240
Gel. Fuit disertim, verum id usu perdidi:
nunc Miccotrogus nomine e vero vocor. Croc. ^ Eu ecastor, risi te hodie multum. Gel. Quando aut quo in loco ?
Croc. Hie quom auctionem praedicabas, Gel. Pessuma,
eho an audivisti ? Croc. Te quidem dignissumam.
Gel. Quo nunc is ? Croc. Ad te.
Gel. Quid venis ?
^ Leo brackets following v., 225 : nuUi meliores esse parasito sinam.
* Ciorrupt (Leo) : eu ecastor ! risi ted Lindsay.
3°
STICHUS
another spectator) Aha ! You nodded ? {silence) None better anywhere.^ {silence) Here you are — rubdowns for sale — Greek style — good for perspira- tion— others for emollition — or liquorosion ! For sale — scurrilities — blandishiloquies — parasitical pa- laverettes ! For sale — a rusty strigil — a rubious flask — an empty parasite to store your scraps in ! All these properties must now be sold as soon as possible, that I may proffer tithes to Hercules,
^00. {aside) Gracious ! There's nothing worth much in that auction. Hunger's sticking to his very belly bottom. I'll go up to him.
yel. {aside, seeing her) \Mio's this woman coming toward me ? Oh yes, it's Crocotium, that maidservant of Epignomus.
"jroc. Good morning, Gelasimus.
lel. {funereal) That is no name of mine.
Iroc. Heavens, man, it surely was your name.
lel. 'Twas, in good sooth. But I wore it out. Now the name forced on me by the facts of life is Nibble- nubbin.
^;roc. Oh dear me ! The way you made me laugh to-day !
lel. \Mien ? WTiereabouts ?
yoc. Here when you were holding that auction
lel. {interrupting, magisterially) Oho, \'ile creature ! So you listened ?
yoc. {continuing, insubordinately) — which precisely matched your deserts.
lel. {overlooking the insult) WTiere to, now ?
yoc. To you.
jel. Why to me ?
^ V. 225 : I'll not concede that any parasite has better ones.
31
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
• Croc. Panegyris
rogare iiissit ted ut opere maximo,
mecum simitu ut ires ad sese domum. Gel. Ego illo mehercle vero eo quantum potest. 250
iamne exta eocta sunt ? quot agnis fecerat ? Croc. Ilia quidem nullum sacrificavit. Gel. Quo mode ?
quid igitur me volt ? Croc. Tritici modios decern
rogare, opinor.^ Gel. Mene, ut ab sese petam ?
Croc. Immo ut a vobis mutuom nobis dares. Gel. Nega esse quod dem nee mihi nee mutuom,
neque aliud quicquam nisi hoc quod habeo pallium ;
linguam quoque etiam vendidi datariam. Croc. ^ Au,
nullan tibi lingua est ? Gel. Quae quidem dicat " dabo " ; 260
ventri reliqui eccam aliam quae dicat " cedo." Croc. Malum quidem si vis —
Gel. Haec eadem dicit tibi.
Croc. Quidnunc? ituru's an non ? Gel. Abi sane domum,
iam illo venturum dicito. propera atque abi.
demiror quid illaec me ad se arcessi iusserit,
quae numquam iussit me ad se arcessi ante hunc diem,
postquam vir abiit eius. miror quid siet,
nisi ut periclum fiat : visam quid velit.
sed eccum Pinacium eius puerum. hoc vide, 270
^ Leo brackets following te volt.
32
I
STICHUS
(impressively hospitable) Panegyris ordered me to
ask you, press you, to accompany me to her house
to see her.
(thrilled) By the Lord, indeed I wiW, as fast as I
know how. Is the sacrificial meat cooked yet?
How many lambs did she offer up ?
Lambs ? WTiy, she made no sacrifice at all.
How's that? Then what does she want of
me
(innocently) I believe it's a matter of asking for
some wheat, ten pecks or so.
(hopefully) Asking me to ask it of her ?
Oh no, asking you to lend it to us.
Tell her I've got nothing to give myself or lend to
others, not a single thing except this cloak I wear.
More than that, I've even sold my tongue, my
giveawayish one.
Poor thing ! You have no tongue now ?
None to say " I'll give " with. But look, I've left
my belly another one (demonstrating) to say " I'd
Uke it."
(irate) Like trouble, eh? Well, if that's what you
want —
(interrupting) The same to you, says this article.
(leaving) Well now ? Are you coming, or not ?
Yes, yes, be off home. Tell her I'll be there soon.
Hurry up and be off.
[exit Crocotium. I wonder why on earth she had me summoned to her, when she never once did it before to-day, not since her husband left. I do wonder what it is — but I'd better chance it and go see what she wants. (looking down the street) Aha, though, there's her page, Pinacium ! Will you look at that ! If that
31
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
satin ut facete, aeque atque ex pictura, astitit? ne iste edepol vinum poculo pauxillulo saepe exanclavit submerum scitissume.
ACTVS II
Pin. Mercurius, lovis qui nuntius perhibetur, numquam
aeque patri suo nuntium lepidum attulit quam ego nunc meae
erae nuntiabo : itaque onustum pectus porto laetitia lubentiaque neque lubet nisi gloriose quicquam proloqui pro-
fecto. amoenitates omnium venerum et venustatum adfero ripisque superat mi atque abundat pectus laetitia
meum. propera, Pinacium, pedes hortare, honesta dicta
factis — nunc tibi potestas adipiscendist gloriam laudem
decus — eraeque egenti subveni,i quae misera in exspectatione est Epignomi adven-
tum viri. proinde ut decet, amat virum suom, cupide expetit.
nunc, Pinacium, age ut placet, curre ut lubet, cave quemquam flocci
feceris, cubitis depulsa de via, tranquillam concinna viam ; si rex obstabit obviam, regem ipsum prius per-
vortito. Gel. Quidnam dicam Pinacium
lascivibundum tarn lubentem currere ? harundinem fert sportulamque et hamulum pisca-
rium. 34
STICHUS
isn't the neatest f>ose he's striking — ^just like in a picture ! Ah me, ah me ! Many's the time that lad has ladled out the teeny cups of neameat wine in just the knowingest way. {withdraws to listen)
ACT II
ENTER Pinacium, with fishing equipment, wildly
EXUBERANT.
No, not Mercury, the fabled messenger of Jove, e'er brought his sire so sweet a message as that I now shall bring my mistress. Oh, this breast of mine is brimming with deUght and delectation! It likes me now to deal in naught but high hj'per- bole. The charms of all things lovable and lovely do I convey, and my heart doth overflow its banks and teem with joy. Push on, Pinacium, prick on thy feet, and fructify thy words with deeds — now art thou empowered to win thee fame and praise and honour — and aid thy mistress all bereft who anxiously awaits the coming of £pignomus, her husband. Quite as beseems her does she love that husband, long for him ardently, {elaborately pre- paring himself for action). On now, Pinacium, as thou dost please, run as thou Ukest ! Care not a straw for any man aUve ! Elbow them all from thy path ! Clean them out and clear the road ! Be it a monarch that blocks thy course, up and land that monarch on his neck ! {runs, mightily) {aside) What the deuce makes the little frisky- romper so fond of running? He's carrying a rod, and a basket and a bit of tackle.
* Leo brackets following bene/acta tnaiorutn tuom.
35
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Pin. Sed tandem, opinor, aequiust eram mihi esse
supplicem atque oratores mittere ad me donaque ex auro et
quadrigas, qui vehar, nam pedibus ire non queo. ergo iam
revortar. ad me adiri et supplicari egomet mi aequom censeo. an vero nugas censeas, nihil esse quod ego nunc scio ? tantum a portu adporto bonum, tarn gaudium
grande adfero, vix ipsa domina hoc, nisi sciat, exoptare ab deis
audeat. nunc ultro id deportem? hau placet, neque id viri
officium arbitror. sic hoc videtur mihi magis meo convenire huic
nuntio : adversum veniat, opsecret, se ut nuntio hoc
impertiam ;
secundas fortunas decent superbiae. sed tandem cum recogito, qui potuit scire haec
scire me ? non enim possum quin revortar, quin loquar, quin
edissertem eramque ex maerore eximam, bene facta maiorum
meum exaugeam atque illam augeam insperato opportune
bono : contundam facta Talthubi contemnamque omnis
nuntios ; simulque ^ cursuram meditabor ^ ad ludos Olympios. sed spatium hoc occidit : brevest curriculo ; quam
me paenitet. quid hoc ? occlusam ianuam video, ibo et pultabo
fores.
36
STICHUS
(halting) And yet, methinks, 'twere more fitting for mistress to petition me and send me envoys and gifts of gold and a four-horse chariot for transporta- tion. No indeed, travel afoot is not for me. So back I go forthwith, (struts to his starting point) I hold it proper that I be approached myself, that I be appealed to. Canst think, forsooth, that what I now know is but a trifling thing of no account ? Why, such good news from the port am I reporting, such bounteous bliss am I returning with, that mistress herself, unless informed, could hardly venture to pray it of the gods. And now am I to be porter of such news, unasked ? It suits me not, 'tis not my notion of a manly part. I feel it more befits a message such as mine that she come meet me and beseech that I impart it. Hauteur sits well on those whom fortune favours, (pauses and ponders) And yet, on second thoughts, how could she know that I know this ? Ah well, I see I must return, speak out, unfold it all, and sweep away her sorrow, overtop the good deeds of my sires and top off mistress' woes with an unexpected, timely blessing, (girding himself for more action) Those efforts of Talthybius ^ I'll scrap, and hold all messengers in scorn. Likewise I'll tr}' my stride for the Olympic games, (does so) But what a rotten place to run ! This track's too short. How I do regret it! (having arrived at the house) What ho! I see the door is shut. I'll go and knock, (does so,
^ Herald of Agamemnon.
^ Leo brackets following ad. * Leo brackets following me.
37
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
aperite atque adproperate, fores facite ut pateant,
removete moram ; nimis haec res sine cura geritur. vide quam dudum
hie asto et pulto. 310
somnone operam datis ? experiar, fores an cubiti ac
pedes plus valeant. nimis vellem hae fores erum fugissent, ea causa ut haberent malum magnum ;
defessus sum pultando. hoc postremumst, vae vobis Gel. Ibo atque hunc compellabo.
salvos sis. Pin. Et tu salve.
Gel. lam tu piscator factu's ?
Pin. Quam pridem non edisti ?
Gel. Vnde is ? quid fers ? quid festinas ?
Pin. Tua quod nil refert, ne cures. 320
Gel. Quid istic inest ?
Pin. Quas tu edes colubras.
Gel. Quid tam iracundu's ?
Pin. Si in te
pudor adsit, non me appelles. Gel. Possum scire ex te verum ?
Pin. Potes : hodie non cenabis.
II. 2.
Pan. Quisnam. opsecro, has fransfit fores? ubi est?
tun haec facis ? tun mihi hue hostis venis ?
38
STICHUS
Instill/) Open up this door and do it double-quick ! Tlirow it open \vide, wide ! No more dawdling ! (hammers harder) The appalling slackness of this household ! See how long I have to stand and knock! Busy, are you, taking naps? I'll find out which is stronger, this door or these elbows and feet, (experiments 7iithaut results) Ugh ! I wish this door had run away from home, so as to be let in for some good sound discipUne. (pauses) I'm all fagged \\ith pounding. Now for a knock-out ! There ! Curse you ! (does himself credit)
lel. (aside) I'll go and accost him. (aloud, stepping up) Good morning.
*in. (viciously) Good morning yourself.
iel. (pleasantly) So you've turned fisherman, have you ?
'in. \Mien didn't you eat last ?
iel. (still trying to be agreeable) Where have you been ? (glancing at the basket) What are you bringing? ^Miat's your hurry ?
'i?i. Keep your nose out of other folks' business.
iel. What's in there ? (reaching Jor the basket)
'in. (pushing him off) Snakes for your lunch.
'?/. ^^^ly so irritable ?
'in. With any decency, you'd not keep at me. (bangs on door again)
■iel. (losing his temper, and grabbing him) Can't I get the truth out of you ?
'in. (slipping an'ay well out of range) You can — to-day you eat no dinner.
Icene 2. enter Panegyris into doorway.
'on. (as she opens up) Mercy me, who's breaking down this door ? WTiere is he ? (sees only Gelasimus) Yovu* work, is it ? You come to storm my house, do you ?
39
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Gel. Salve, tuo arcessitu venio hue.
Pan. Ean gratia fores effringis ?
Gel. Tuos inclama, tui delinquont : ego quid me velles visebam ;
nam me quidem harum miserebat. Pin. Ergo auxilium propere latumst.
Pan. Quisnam hie loquitur tam prope nos ? Pin. Pinacium.
Pan. Vbi is est ? 330
Pin. Respice ad me et relinque egentem parasitum,
Panegyris. Pan. Pinacium.
Pin. Istuc indiderunt nomen maiores mihi.
Pan. Quid agis ? Pin. Quid agam rogitas ?
Pan. Quidni rogitem ?
Pin. Quid mecum est tibi ?
Pan. Mein fastidis. propudiose? eloquere propere,
Pinacium. Pin. lube me omittere igitur hos, qui retinent. Pan. Qui retinent ?
Pin. Rogas ?
omnia membra lassitudo mihi tenet. Pan. Linguam quidem
sat scio tibi non tenere. Pin. Ita celeri curriculo fui
propere a portu, tui honoris causa. Pan. Ecquid adportas boni ?
Pin. Nimio ^ adporto multo tanto plus quam speras. Pan. Salva sum.
^ Nimio adporto Ritschi : nimio inparti corrupt (Leo). 40
STICHUS
(jvitk dignity) Good morning. I come because you
summoned me.
WTiich explains your battering down my door ?
Lecture your owti people ; the fault is theirs.
I was coming to see why you wanted me ; and this
poor thing, (fiith a jvave toward the door) well, I did
pity it.
(ironically) And therefore rushed to the rescue.
(not seeing him) WTiy, who's that talking so close to
us ?
(consequentially) Pinaciiun.
\\Tiere is he ?
(swaggering up) Attend to me, Panegyris; away
with that beggarly parasite.
(reprovingly) Pinacium !
(grandly) So my forebears have yclept me.
\Miat are you at ?
What am I at, you ask ?
(sharply) WTiy shouldn't I ask?
(yan-ning) How do I concern you, pray ?
Putting on airs with me, you scalawag? Come,
speak, Pinacium ! This instant !
(affecting exhaustion) Then order my custodians to
let me go.
Custodians ? WTio ?
WTiat a question! Fatigue has all my limbs in
custody.
Well, it's clear enough your tongue has escaped.
(reproachfully) Such a race as I ran, hurrying home
from the port, just for your sake.
(eagerly) You've something good to report ?
Ah, such a report ! Miles and miles beyond your
hopes !
Oh, I am saved, saved!
41
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Pin. At ego peril, quoi meduUam lassitudo perbibit. 340
Gel. Quid ego, quoi misero medullam ventris percepit
fames. Pan. Ecquem convenisti ? Pin. Multos.
Pan. At virum ?
Pin. Equidem plurimos :
verum ex multis nequiorem nullum quam hie est. Gel. Quo modo ?
iam dudum ego istum patior dicere iniuste mihi.
praeterhae si me inritassis — Pin. Edepol essuries male.
Gel. Animum inducam, ut istue verum te elocutum esse
arbitrer. Pitt. Munditias volo fieri, ecferte hue scopas simulque harundinem,
ut operam omnem araneorum perdam et texturam improbem
deiciamque eorum omnis telas. Gel. Miseri algebunt postea.
Pin. Quid ? illos itidemne esse censes quasi te, cum
veste unica ? 350
cape illas scopas. Gel. Capiam.
Pin. Hoc egomet, tu hoc eonverre.
Gel. Ego fecero.
Pin. Ecquis hue effert nassiternam cum aqua ? Gel. Sine sufFragio
popuh tamen aediUtatem hie quidem gerit.
43
STICHUS
But I am dead, dead ! The marrow of my bones is all sucked out by weariness. Lord ! And what of me ? The marrow of my stomach is all scrunched in by hunger. {hesitantly) You met some one ? Many a one. But my — a man ?
Droves of 'em. But there wasn't a worse specimen in the whole gang than (scorvUng at Gelasimus) this one.
{enraged) How's that ? {to Panegyris) I have endured his inci\ility too long ! (to Pinacium) If you provoke me further, I'll —
{interrupting armahly) Stay awfully empty, right you are.
{tvryly, torn between ire and hope) I shall prevail upon myself to assume that you state the case correctly. {taking full charge, to Panegyris) Everything must be tidied up. {shouting to slaves rvithin) Bring some brooms here, and a long pole, too, so that I can throw out the spiders' work entirely, condemn their wea\-ing and discard all their webs. Then the poor things will freeze. Huh ! Think they're in your own fix, do you, with only one outfit ? {as slaves bring out implements) Here, take that broom. {obeying) All right.
(using his omn frantically) 111 sweep here and you sweep there.
{joining in) I'm your man.
(yelling at the door) Pail and water, someone, will will you?
{aside, to audienee) He's serving as Sanitary Com- missioner without waiting to be elected.
43
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Pin. Age tu ocixis
1 pinge humum, consperge ante aedis. Gel. Faciam.
Pin. Factum oportuit.
ego hinc araneas de foribus deiciam et de pariete. Gel. Edepol rem negotiosam. Pan. Quid sit, nil etiam scio,
nisi forte hospites venturi sunt. Pin. Vos lectos sternite.
Gel. Principium placet de lectis. Pin. Alii ligna caedite,
alii piscis depurgate, quos piscatu rettuli,
pernam et glandium deicite. Gel. Hie hercle homo nimium sapit.
Pan. Non ecastor, ut ego opinor, satis erae morem geris. Pin. Immo res omnis relictas habeo prae quod tu veils. Pan. Turn tu igitur, qua causa missus es ad portum, id
expedi. Pin. Dicam. postquam me misisti ad portum cum luci simul, ■ commodum radiosus sese sol superabat ex mari.
dum percontor portitores, ecquae navis venerit
ex Asia, negant venisse, conspicatus sum interim
cercurum, quo ego me maiorem non vidisse censeo.
in portum vento secundo, velo passo pervenit.
alius alium percontamur : quoiast navis ? quid vehit ?
^ Corrup* (Leo) : hie Leo. 44
STICHUS
(thrusting the pail into Gelasimtis' hand) Come you, quick, paint the ground, sprinkle in front of the house. Do it I will.
It should be already done, (seizing the pole) Now to knock these spiders off the door and walls ! (aside to Panegt/ris) This is our busy day, by Jove ? (aside to Gelasimiis) I'm not at all sure even yet what it means, unless maybe (tremulous) guests are coming. (to slaves rvithin) Cover the couches, you ! (aside) Couches ! Capital start ! Cut wood, some of you ! And you — clean the fish I brought back from my fishing trip ! And you — get out ham and sweetbreads !
(aside, redoubling his activity) By the Lord, this lad shows lots of sense.
(to Pinacium, plaintively) It certainly does seem to me that you give your mistress very little con- sideration.
(chasing spiders) The idea! When I've neglected everv'thing else to accommodate you. Well then, the matter I sent you to the harbour about — tell me, tell me !
Ah, yes. (keeps busy rvith the spiders) After you sent me down to the harbour at early (swatting one) dawn, the arradiant sun was but then (swatting another) surmounting the sea. WTiile I was in- quiring of the customs chaps if any ship had come from Asia, and they said (another) no, I caught sight of a Cyprian bark, as big a one as I ever saw, I think. Right on into harboiu- it came, full sail, in front of a spanking breeze. We're just asking each other whose ship it is and what it's laden with, when I set my eyes on (swats
45
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
interibi Epignomum conspicio tiiom virum et servom Stichum. Pan. Hem quid ? Epignomum elocutu's ? Pin Tuom virum.
Gel. Et vitam meam.
Pin. Venit inquam.
Pan. Tutin ipsus ipsum vidisti ?
Pin. Lubens.
argenti aurique advexit nimium. Gel. Nimis factum bene.
hercle vero capiam scopas atque hoc convorram lubens. Pin. Lanam purpuramque multam.
Gel. Em qui ventrem vestiam.
Pin. Lectos eburatos, auratos. Gel. Accubabo regie.
Pin. Turn Babylonica et peristroma tonsilia et tappetia
advexit, nimium bonae rei. Gel. Hercle rem gestam bene.
Pin. Poste, ut occepi narrare, fidicinas, tibicinas,
sambucas advexit secum forma eximia. Gel. Eugepae,
quando adbibero, adludiabo : tum sum ridiculis- sumus. Pin. Poste unguenta multigenerum multa. Gel. Non vendo logos.
iam non facio auctionem, mi optigit hereditas :
malivoli, perquisitores auctionum, perierint.
Hercules, decumam esse adauctam tibi quam vovi gratulor.^
^ Leo brackets following v., 387 : spes est, tandem cUiguando inportunam exigere ex utero famem.
46
STICHUS
several) your husband Epignomus and his slave Stichus.
{sure, but excited) ^Tiat ? WTiat's that ? Epignomus, you said? Your own spouse. {aside, resting) And my salvation ! He has come, I say.
You saw him, saw him, your very own self? With {thoroughly mashing another) pleasure. And the amount of gold and silver he has aboard ! {aside) Grand, grand I Indeed I will take the broom and sweep this place ! Certainly ! With pleasure ! {resumes his labours energetically) And quantities of wool and cloth of purple ! {aside) Aha ! To vrra.p around my belly ! And couches, inlaid with ivory and gold! {aside) For me to lie on Uke a king ! And then the Babylonian draperies and clipped carpeting and tapestr}- he has brought, all sorts of fine stuff!
{aside) Lord, Lord ! Fine stuff indeed ! Yes, and to continue, he has brought along {scanning the walls) lyre girls and flute girls and harp girls, perfect beauties.
{aside) Glorious! After I've done some drinking, I'll do some dallying ; then's when I'm my funniest. Yes, and perfiune galore of kinds galore ! {aside) My stories are not for sale ! That auction's all off now ! I've come into a fortune ! Those spiteful auction-chasers can go chase themselves to Hades ! I congratulate you, Hercules, on the increase in the tithes I vowed you.^
^ V. 387 : Now at last I have some hope of ahaking loose that plaguy hirnger from my inside.
47
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Pin. Poste autem advexit parasitos secum.
Gel. Ei, peril miser.
Pin. Ridiculissumos.
Gel. Revorram hercle hoc quod converri modo.
Pan. Vidistin virum sororis Pamphilum ?
Pin. Non.
Pan. Non adest ?
Pin. Immo venisse eum simitu aiebat ille : ego hue citus
praecucurri, ut nuntiarem nuntium exoptabilem. Gel. Venales logi sunt illi, quos negabam vendere.
ilicet, iam meo malost quod malevolentes gaudeant.
Hercules, qui deus sis, sane discessisti non bene. Pan. I intro, Pinacium, iube famulos rem divinam mi apparent.
bene vale. Gel. Vin administrem?
Pa?i. Sat servorum habeo domi.
Gel. Enim vero, Gelasime, opinor provenisti futtile,
si neque ille adest neque hie, qui venit, quicquam subvenit.
ibo intro ad libros et discam de dictis melioribus ;
nam ni illos homines expello, ego occidi planissume.
48
STICHUS
{guilelessly) Yes, and besides, he has brought along
some parasites.
(aside) Oh damnation ! That's a blow !
And the w-ittiest ones aUve !
My God ! All this sweeping I have done I'll now
unsweep !
Did you see my sister's husband, Pamphilus ?
No.
He's not arrived?
Yes, he came at the same time, so master said.
But I rushed on ahead here to announce this
gladsome news.
(very lorv) Those stories I refused to sell are now on
sale. It is all over. That spiteful crowd now have
their chance to crow at my disaster. Hercules,
you have plainly botched this business for yourself
— and vou a god !
Go in, Pinacium, and tell the servants to get things
ready for me for a sacrifice.
[exit Pinacium, jeering at Gelastmus. (to Gelasimus) And a very good day to you, sir. Don't you want me to supervise ? I have plenty of help at home, thanks.
[exit Panegyris. Upon my soul, Gelasimus, the outcome of this looks rank for vou, if one of 'em isn't here and the one who has come doesn't come to your assistance. I'll hie me home to my books and prime myself with some of the best bons mots ; for unless I fight off those fellows of his, my goose is cooked and no mistake.
[exit.
49
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
ACTVS III
Epig. Quom bene re gesta salvos convortor domum Neptuno grates habeo et Tempestatibus ; simul Mercurio, qui me in mercimoniis iuvit lucrisque quadruplicavit rem meam. olim quos abiens adfeei aegrimonia, eos nunc laetantis faciam adventu meo. nam iam Antiphonem conveni adfinem meum cumque eo reveni ex inimicitia in gratiam. videte, quaeso, quid potest pecunia : 410
quoniam bene gesta re rediisse me videt magnasque adportavisse divitias domum, sine advocatis ibidem in cercuro in stega in amicitiam atque in gratiam convortimus. et is hodie apud me cenat et frater meus ; nam heri ambo in uno portu fuimus, sed mea hodie solutast navis aliquant© prius. age abduce hasce intro, quas mecum adduxi, Stiche.
Stick. Ere, si ego taceam seu loquar, scio scire te
quam multas tecum miserias mulcaverim, 420
nunc hunc diem unum ex illis multis miseriis volo me eleutheria capere advenientem domum.
Epig. Et ius et aequom postulas : sumas, Stiche. in hunc diem te nil moror ; abi quo lubet. cadum tibi veteris vini propino.
1 The Eleutheria celebrated in honour of the victory at Plataea.
5°
STICHUS ACT III
ENTER EpignOmuS AND StichuS, FOLLOWED BV MUSIC GIRLS AND PORTERS.
(devoutly) Thanks be to Neptune and the weather- goddesses for returning me safe home again, my venture a success ! And thanks to Mercury as well, who helped me in my mercantile affairs and quadrupled my fortune with the profits, {surveying his house) Ah, those that I once grieved by my going I'll now make glad by getting back, (chuck- ling) As for father-in-law Antipho, I've fallen in with him already, and also fallen out of his dis- favour into his esteem once more. Here's an illustration for you of what money means. Because he sees I've been successful and here I am at home with plenty of the wherewithal aboard, he meets me right on my vessel's pont, and \vithout mediating parties we're reconciled and friends again. And now he's to dine with me to-day, he and my brother too. For we both lay in the same harboiu* yester- day, but my ship got under way a bit earlier this morning, (going tonard his door) Come, Stichus, bring in these girls that I've brought back with me. (ingratiatingly) Master, whether I speak of it or not, I know you know how often I've helped you give hard times hard treatment. Now, sir, after all those hard times, I wish I could have this one day off, this day of my arrival home, for the Feast of Freedom.^
(smiling) A fair and reasonable request. Granted, Stichus. The day is yours, I shan't bother you. Be off where you like. And I'll contribute a cask of good old wine.
51
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Siich. Papae,
ducam hodie amicam.
Epig. Vel decern, dum de tuo.
Stick. Quid ? hoc etiam unum ?
Epig. Quid id autem unumst ? expedi.
Stick. Ad cenam ibone ?
Epig. Si vocatu's, censeo.
Stick. Sic hoc placet ; rogatu necne, nil moror.
Epig. Vbi cenas hodie ?
Stick. Sic banc rationem institi : 430
amicam ego habeo Stephanium hinc ex proxumo, tui fratris ancillam : eo condixi in symbolam ad cenam, ad eius conservom Sangarinum Syrum. eademst amica ambobus, rivales sumus.
Epig. Age abduce hasce intro, hunc tibi dedo diem.
Stick. Meam culpam habeto, nisi probe excruciavero.
iam hercle ego per hortum ad amicam transibo
meam mi hanc occupatum noctem ; eadem symbolam dabo et iubebo ad Sangarinum cenam coqui. aut egomet ibo atque opsonabo opsonium. 440
Sangarinus scio iam hie aderit cum domino suo. servos homo qui nisi temperi ad cenam meat, advorsitores pol cum verberibus decet dari, uti eum verberabundi adducant domum. parata res faciam ut sit. egomet me moror. atque id ne vos miremini, hominis servolos potare, amare atque ad cenam condicere : licet haec Athenis nobis, sed quom cogito, potius quam invidiam inveniam, est etiam hie
ostium aliud postJcum nostrarum harunc aedium ; * 450
' 1.160 brackets following v., 450" : posiicam partem magis utuntur aedium.
52
STICHUS
Ah-h-h ! Girl friend for me to-day !
Or ten — at your expense, though.
But, sir? This one thing more ?
Well, what is the one thing ? Explain.
Can I dine out, sir ?
No doubt you can, if you're invited.
Oh, sir, this is grand ! Asked or not, I don't care.
And where 's your dinner to be ?
This is my plan, sir. I have a sweetheart, sir,
Stephaniiun,that Uves next door here, your brother's
maidservant, sir. I've got her booked for a dinner
party there at her fellow slave's, Sangarinus the
Syrian's, expenses shared. She's his sweetheart,
too, sir; we're rivals.
Get busy, then, and bring these girls inside. I put
this day at your disp>osal.
[exit into his house. (calling after him) And lay the blame on me, sir, if I don't raise hell with it in fine style, (to himself) Ho, hum ! Now I'll go through the garden to my sweetheart and take possession for to-night. And I'll pay my share at the same time and order dinner to be cooked at Sangarinus'. Or else I'll go and provide the provisions myself. Sangarinus is sure to be here soon with his master. If a slave doesn't get to a dinner party in time, he ought to be given a cortege with whipcords, by gad, to escord him home. Well, I must see that everything's prepared. I'm delaying myself, {to audience) Yes, and you people needn't be surprised that we slaveUngs have our Uquor and love affairs and dinner engage- ments : all that's permitted us in Athens, (pauses) On second thoughts, though, rather than incur ill will, this house of ours has still another door in the
53
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
ea ibo opsonatum, eadem referam opsonium :
per hortum utroque commeatus continet.
ite hac secundum vos me. ego hunc lacero diem.
III. 2.
Gel. Libros inspexi ; tarn confido quam potis,
me meum optenturum regem ridiculis meis. nunc interviso, iamne a portu advenerit, ut eum advenientem meis dictis deleniam.
Epig. Hie quidem Gelasimus est parasitus, qui venit.
Gel. Auspicio hodie optumo exivi foras :
mustela murem abstulit praeter pedes ; 460
cum strena obscaevavit ; spectatum hoc mihist.
nam ut ilia vitam repperit hodie sibi,
item me spero facturum : augurium hac facit.
Epignomus hie quidemst qui astat. ibo atque
adloquar. o Epignome, ut ego nunc te conspicio libens, ut prae laetitia lacrimae prosiliunt mihi. valuistin usque ?
Epig. Sustentatumst sedulo.
Gel. Propino tibi salutem plenis faucibus.
Epig. Bene atque amice dicis. di dent quae velis.
Gel. Cenem illi apud te, quoniam salvos advenis. 470
» V. 450» : They use the back part of the place more.
54
STICHUS
back : ^ I'll go that way to get my supplies, and bring 'em back the same way. There's a passage through the garden connecting the two houses. (to the girls and porters) Gjme on, you, follow me. (aside) The shreds I make of this day !
[exeunt into Epignomus' house.
!. ENTER Gelasimus, his spirits much improved.
I've consulted my books ; I'm absolutelv sure I can hold my patron, I'll be so comical. Now to see if he's arrived from the harbour yet, so as to perk him up with my pleasantries as soon a3 he gets here.
enter Epignomus into his doorway. (looking down the street) There's parasite Gelasimus coming, yes, it certainly is.
(not seeing him) I had the best of auspices when I came out to-day : a weasel popped off with a mouse right in front of my feet. Propitious omination, that, with a largess ! Beyond a peradventure ! Yes sir, just as that weasel found its sustenance to-day, I hope to find mine too. That's what the omen means, (approaching Epignomus' house) \Miv, that's Epignomus standing there! I'll up and greet him. (Tasking ivith outstretched hand) Oh, Epignomus! How the sight of you does cheer my soul ! How the happy tears come springing forth ! (solicitously) You've kept well all this while } (seemingly casual) Fared finely as possible. Here's to your health with brimming — chops ! \'^ery nice and friendly of you. God grant your every wish!
And that's to dine at your house there — in honour of your safe return.
55
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Epig. Locatast opera nunc quidem ; tarn gratiast.
Gel. Promitte.
Epig. Certumst.
Get. Sic face inquam.
Epig. Certa res.
Gel. Lubente me hercle facies.
Epig. Idem ego istuc scio.
quando usus veniet, fiet. Gel. Nunc ergo usus est.
Epig. Non edepol possum. Gel. Quid gravare ? censeas.
nescio quid vero habeo in mundo. Epig. I modo,
ilium convivam quaerito tibi in hunc diem. Gel. Quin tu promittis ?
Epig. Non graver, si possiem.
Gel. Vnum quidem hercle certo promitto tibi :
libens accipiam certo, si promiseris. Epig. Valeas. Gel. Certumnest ?
Epig. Certum. cenabo domi.^
Gel. Sed — quoniam nil processit hac, ego ivero
apertiore magis via ; ita plane loquar :
vin ad te ad cenam veniam ? Epig. Si possim, velim;
verum hie apud me cenant alieni novem. Gel. Hau postulo equidem med in lecto accumbere :
scis tu me esse unisubselli virum.
* Leo brackets following v., 483 : Gel. Quando quidem tu ad me non vis promittere.
56
STICHUS
(affecting to misunderstand the loctis of the dinner) Well,
the fact is I'm already engaged, but thanks just as
much.
(insistent It/) Do promise.
(shaking his head) It's all settled.
Oh, I say, do, do !
It's a settled thing.
You'll be doing me a favour, indeed you will.
Yes, I'm well aware of that. When the proper
time comes I'll do it.
Well then, the proper time is now.
Upon my word, I can't.
WTiy demur? You should say yes. (cryptic) Really,
I'm all ready — something choice.
(less cryptic) Go along now; it's another guest I'm
inxiting you to find yourself to-day.
Wliy won't you promise ?
I'd not demur, if I could.
Well, I vow there's one thing I'm set on promising
you : I'll gladly be at your disposal, if you do
promise, and that's all set.
(about to go inside) Good day to you.
(holding him) So it's settled ?
Settled. I shall dine at home.^
But — seeing I get nowhere this wav, I'll just try a
more open road ; now for some plain speech.
' (formally)
Do you wish me to come to your house for dinner ? I should, if I could, but I'm having some people in to dine, strangers, nine of them. Of course I don't expect accommodation on a couch. You kilow me — I'm a vaUant bencherman.
^ V. 483 : Gel. Well, seeing you won't promise to come to my house.
57
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Epig. At ei oratores sunt popli, summi viri ; 490
Ambracia veniunt hue legati publice. Gel. Ergo oratores populi, summates viri,
summi aceubent, ego infimatis infimus. Epig. Haud aequomst te inter oratores accipi. Gel. Equidem hercle orator sum, sed procedit parum. Epig. Cras de reliquiis nos volo. multum vale. Gel. Perii hercle vero plane, nihil obnoxie.
uno Gelasimo minus est quam dudum fuit.
certumst mustelae posthac numquam credere,
nam incertiorem nullam novi bestiam ; 500
quaen eapse deciens in die mutat locum,
ea ego auspicavi in re capitali mea ?
certumst amicos convocare, ut consulam
qua lege nunc med essurire oporteat.
ACTVS IV
Ant. Ita me di bene ament measque mihi ^ servassint tilias, ut mihi volup est, Pamphilippe, quia vos in patriam
domum rediisse video bene gesta re ambos, te et fratrem tuom.
^ Leo brackets following bene.
58
STICHUS
'■'pis- Ah, but my guests are public spokesmen, men of high place, they come here from Ambracia as their people's envoys.
7t7. Well then, these public spokesmen, these high placed men of yours, should be placed high at table, and lowinost me low.
It's incongruous for you to be received among the spokesmen.
Good Lord ! I am one, I'm a spokesman — but I seem to speak in vain,
(cryptic himself, going in) We must have some left- overs to attend to to-morrow. A very good day to you.
[exit. (desperate) Oh Lord, I'm dead, dead, beyond a doubt, without one human obligation ! The world is smaller than before by one Gelasimus. I'll never trust a weasel after this, that's settled. Why, a more unsettled beast I never knew. A beast that shifts from place to place ten times a day — and I based my auspices on such a creature, I, with my life at stake .'' Well, one thing is settled — I'll summon my friends and consider the legal steps that I must take to starve to death.
[exit.
ACT IV
ENTER Antipho AND PamphiUppus.
(ejfusively) Lord love me, bless me, and preserve my daughters for me, Pamphilippus, but I'm delighted to see you back in your own native land again, you and your brother, and both of you so
prosperous
59
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Pamph. Satis abs te accipiam, nisi videam mihi te amicum
esse, Antipho ; nunc quia te amicum mihi experior esse, credetur
tibi. Ant. Vocem ego te ad me ad cenam, frater tuos ni dixisset
mihi, te apud se cenaturum esse hodie, quom me ad se ad
cenam vocat. et magis par fuerat me vobis dare cenam advenienti-
bus, quam me ad ilium promittere, nisi nollem el
advorsarier. nunc me gratiam abs te inire verbis nil desidero : eras apud me eritis et tu et ille cum vostris uxoribus. Pamph. At apud me perendie. nam ille heri me iam
vocaverat in hunc diem, sed satin ego tecum pacificatus sum,
Antipho ? Ant. Quando ita rem gessistis ut vos velle amicosque
addecet, pax commersque est vobis mecum. nam hoc tu
facito ut cogites : ut cuique homini res paratast, perinde amicis
utitur : si res firma, item firmi amici sunt ; sin res laxe
labat, itidem amici conlabascunt : res amicos invenit. Epig. Iam redeo. nimiast voluptas, ubi diu afueris domo, domum ubi redieris, si tibi nullast aegritudo animo
obviam. nam ita me absente familiarem rem uxor curavit
meam, omnium me exilem atque inanem fecit aegritudi-
num.
60
STICHUS
amph. (trith a rather frigid smile) I should want security from you. Antipho, if you didn't seem to be a friend of mine ; as it is, now that I find you friendly, I'll take your word for that delight of yours.
ni. I'd in\"ite vou in to dinner, except for your dining to-dav w\\h vour brother, as he told me when he gave me mv own invitation. It really would have been more appropriate for nie to dine you lads on your arrival than to accept his hospitalitv' — only I didn't want to oppose him. It's not merely by words that I desire to gain your good will now : {as if conferring millions) to-morrow you and he, and vour wives, shall come to my house.
'amph. Then to mine the day after. He took occasion yesterday, you know, to in\"ite me for to-day. Well, Antipho, so I've actually made my peace with you, eh?
'nt. {primly) Since your financial affairs have gone as it behooves vou and your friends to wish, there is peace and fellowness between us three. For mind vou consider this fact : on anyone's financial stand- ing hangs his status with his friends : if he is in a sound financial state, his friends are sound ; but once that state begins wavering wildly, his friends co-waver Ukewise. Friends are matters of finance.
ENTER EpignOmUS INTO HIS DOORWAY.
"^P^S- ('^ those within) I'll soon be back, {soliloquizing) Ah, it's a delight, when you've long been gone and get back home, if you fall foul of nothing to up- set vou. \Miy, the way my wife has managed my household affairs, in my absence, she has left me bare and destitute of everything — upset- ting, {seeing the others) But there's my brother
6i
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
sed eccum fratrem Pamphilipptiin. incedit cum socero suo. Pamph. Quid agitur, Epignome ?
Epig. Quid tu ? quam dudum in portum venis ?
Pamph. Hau longissume.
Epig. Postilla iam iste est tranquillus tibi ?
Ant. Magis quam mare quo ambo estis vecti. Epig. Facis ut alias res soles.
hodjene exoneramus navem, frater ? Pamph. Clementer volo.
nos potius oneremus nosmet vicissatim voluptatibus.
quam mox coctast cena ? inpransus ego sum. Epig. Abi intro ad me et lava.
Pamph. Deos salutatum atque uxorem modo intro devortor domum ;
haec si ita ut volo conficio, continuo ad te transeo. Epig. Apud nos eccillam festinat cum sorore uxor tua. Pamph. Optumest, iam istoc morai minus erit. iam ego
apud te ero. Ant. Prius quam abis, praesente ted huic apologum agere
unum volo. Pamph. Maxume. Ant. Fuit olim, quasi ego sum, senex ; ei filiae
duae erant, quasi nunc meae sunt; eae erant duobus nuptae fratribus,
quasi nunc meae sunt vobis. Epig. Miror quo evasurust apologus.
Ant. Erant minori illi adulescenti fidicina et tibicina,
62
STICHUS
Pamphilippus strolling along with his father-in- law.
^amph. {as they approach) How goes it, Epignomus ?
Epig. And with you ? How long since you got into port ?
Pampk. No great time.
Epig. Yet in that time he (indicating Antipho n-ith a grin) has calmed down for you, eh ?
.int. {emphatically) More than the sea you two lads sailed.
Epig. {ninking at Pamphilippus) You show the same old wavs, sir. Well, brother, shall we unload ship to-day ?
Pamph. Ease off, my man, ease off! Let's load ourselves with good cheer for a change, instead. How soon '11 dinner be served? I had no lunch.
Epig. Go on inside here and take a bath.
Pamph. I'll just stop in at my own house to do homage to gods and wife. After attending to that as I wish, I'll come over at once and join you. {about to go) But look! Your wife's at our house, scurrying about with her sister.
Pamph. Splendid! So much the less delay, {heading for his door) I'll soon be with you.
A?it. {stopping him) Before you leave, I want to {rtUher uneasily) do a little monodrama for him {indicating Epignomus) while you're with us.
Pamph. {glancing in yvonderment at Epignomus) By all means.
Ant. {gathering courage) Once upon a time there wa- an old man — the same as I am. He had two daughters — the same as 1 have now. They were married to two brothers — the same as mine are now to you.
Epig. {aside to Pamphilippus) I wonder what this mono- drama will end in.
Ant. The younger brother had a lute-girl and a flute-
63
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
peregre advexerat, quasi nunc tu ; sed ille erat
caeleps senex, quasi ego nunc sum. Epig. Perge porro. praesens hie quidem est apologus.
Ant. Deinde senex ille illi dixit, cuius erat tibicina,
quasi ego nunc tibi dico : Epig. Ausculto atque animum advorto sedulo.
Ant. " Ego tibi meam filiam, bene quicum cubitares, dedi : nunc mihi reddi ego aequom esse abs te quicum cubitem censeo." Epig. Quis istuc dicit ? an ille quasi tu ? Ant. Quasi ego nunc dico tibi.
" Immo duas dabo," inquit ille adulescens " una si
parumst ; et si duarum paenitebit," inquit " addentur duae." Epig. Quis istuc quaeso ? an ille quasi ego ? Ant. Is ipse quasi tu. tum senex
ille quasi ego: "si vis," inquit " quattuor sane
dato, dum equidem hercle quod edint addas, meum ne contruncent cibum." Epig. Videlicet parcum ilium fuisse senem, qui illi istaec dixerit, quom ille, illi qui pollicetur, eum cibum poposcerit. Ant. Videlicet non fuisse ilium aequom adulescentem, qui ilico ubi ille poscit denegavit dare se granum tritici. hercle qui aequom postulabat ille senex, quando
quidem filiae illae dederat dot em. accipere pro tibicina. Epig. Hercle ille quidem certo adulescens docte vorsutus fuit, qui seni illi eoncubinam dare dotatam noluit.
64
STICHUS
girl that he had brought from abroad — (to Epig- nomus) the same as you have now. But that old man was wifeless — the same as I am now. Proceed, proceed I {to Pamphilippus) This mono- drama certainly comes pat !
Then that old man said to the brother that owned the flute-girl — the same as I'm saying now to you — Absorbing I I'm all attention !
— " I gave you my daughter to pass your nights with pleasantly : and now I consider it a fair return for YOU to give me a girl to pass my nights ^^•ith." Who says that ? The one the same as you ? Yes — the same as I'm now saying it to you. " Better still," says that young man, " I'll give you two, if one is not enough. And if the two don't satisfy," says he, " you shall have two more." Let's see — who savs that ? The one the same as I ? Exactly — the one the same as you. Then says the old man — the same as I : " Yes, give me four, by all means, if you like, that is, in case you pay their board to boot, by gad, so they won't Uncinate my larder."
The idea of that old fellow being so close-fisted as to talk like that, and ask the chap who promised him the girls to furnish their food !
The idea of that young fellow being so unfair as to refuse as soon as he was asked, and say he'd not supply even one grain of wheat ! My word ! Why, that old man was making a fair request — having given his daughter a dowry, he should get one for his flute-girl.
My word! Well, that young fellow certainly dis- played trained acumen in declining to give that old man an endowed concubine.
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TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Ant. Senex quidem voluit, si posset, indipisci de cibo; quia nequit, qua lege licuit velle dixit fieri. " fiat " ille inquit adulescens. " facis benigne "
inquit senex. " habeon rem pactam .'' " inquit. " faciam ita "
inquit " ut fieri voles." sed ego ibo intro et gratulabor vostrum adventum
filiis. poste ibo lautum in pyelum, ibi fovebo senectutem
meam. post ubi lavero, otiosus vos opperiar accubans. Pampk. Graphicum mortalem Antiphonem, ut apologum
fecit quam fabre. 570
Epig. Etiam nunc scelestus se esse ducit pro adulescentulo. dabitur homini arnica, noctu quae in lecto occentet
senem ; namque edepol aliud quidem illi quid arnica opus sit nescio. Pamph. Sed quid agit parasitus noster Gelasimus ? etiam
valet ? Epig. Vidi edepol hominem baud perdudum. Pampk. Quid agit ?
Epig. Quod famelicus.
Pamph. Quin vocavisti hominem ad cenam } Epig. Ne quid adveniens perderem.
atque eccum tibi lupum in sermone : praesens esuriens adest. Pamph. Ludificemur hominem. Epig. Capti consili memorem mones.
IV. 2.
Gel. Sed ita ut occepi narrare vobis : quom hie non adfui,
cum amicis deliberavi iam et cum cognatis meis. 580
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STICHUS
\}it. Well, the old man wanted to gain his point about the food, if he could ; failing that, he said he wanted to accept on any terms allowed. " Done." says that young man. " Thank you kindly," savs the old one. " Can I call it a deal ? " says he. " Count on me completely," says the other, (turning torvard Epignomus' house) But I'll go in and congratulate my daughters on vour arrival. Then I'll go take a bath in a baignoire and melt away my years there. Then after bathing I'll be on the dinner couch awaiting you at my ease.
[exit Antipho merrily.
'rtwp/^. Picturesque worthy, Antipho! That monodrama of his was a masterpiece.
^,pis- Even now, the rapscalhon takes himself for a young blade. I'll give him a girl — to serenade the old codger at night in bed. For good Lord, I can't conceive what other use he has for one.
^a?nph. But how goes it with our parasite Gelasimus.'' Still in good health ?
^.pi<r. Hm ! I saw the fellow no longwhile ago.
\imph. How's he getting on?
''-pig- Hungrily.
\imph. Why didn't you invite him to dinner?
'Ipi'j. For fear of coming home to go broke, (glancing donm the street) Look ! There you are — the wolf in the fable ! Here in person, ravenous.
'uinph. Let's have some fun vnih. him.
^^pis. Suggestion superfluous — had it in mind myself. {they stand back in the doorway)
cene 2. enter Gelasimus.
iel. {to the audience) But to continue what I was saying — since leaving here I have deliberated with my
67
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
ita mi auctores fuere, ut egomet me hodie iugularem fame.
sed videone ego Pamphilippum cum fratre Epig- nomo ? atque is est.
adgrediar hominem. o sperate Pamphilippe, o spes mea,
o mea vita, o mea voluptas, salve, salvom gaudeo
peregre te in patriam rediisse. Pamph. Salvo salve, Gelasime.
Gel. Valuistin bene ?
Pamph. Sustentatumst sedulo.
Gel. Edepol gaudeo.
edepol ne ego nunc mihi medimnum mille esse argenti velim. Epig. Quid eo tibi opust ?
Gel. Hunc hercle ad cenam ut vocem, te non vocem.
Epig. Advorsum te fabulare. Gel. Illud quidem, ambos ut vocem;
et equidem simitu hau maligne vos invitassem domum
ad me, sed mihi ipsi domi meae nihil est. atque hoc scitis vos. Epig. Edepol te vocem lubenter, si superfiat locus. Gel. Quin tum stans obstrusero aliquid strenue. Epig. Immo unum hoc potest.
Gel. Quid ?
Epig. Vbi convivae abierint, tum venias.
Gel. Vae aetati tuae.
Epig. Vasa lautum, non ad cenam dico. Gel. Di te perduint.
quid ais, Pamphilippe ?
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STICHUS
friends and relatives, and it was their recommenda- tion that I cut my throat to-day with a whetted appetite. But is that PamphiUppus I see with his brother Epignomus? Yes, it is. I'll up to him. (rapturous) Oh, Pamphilippus I So longed for ! Oh, hope of my soul I Oh, breath of my life ! Oh, joy of my being I (seises his hand) Welcome! Ah, I'm glad you're home again from overseas, and well ! ph. And a well-wisher's welcome to you, Gelasimus.
You've been in first rate health } iph. Fared finely as possible.
Jove, I'm glad! (to Epignomus) Jove, how I wish I had a thousand bushels of silver now !
Epig. \Miat do you need it for ?
Gel. So that I could in\ite him (iyidicating PamphiUppus) to dinner, by gad, and (malevolently) not you.
Epig. (casually) Such remarks don't help your case.
Gel. (taking the hint) Well, that is, so that I could in\ite you both. Really, I'm not mean, I'd have pressed you to come to my house together, but not one thing have I in that house of mine. And you know that yourselves.
Epig. Dear, dear, I'd in\-ite you gladly, if there were only a place left.
Gel. Ah well, even standing, I do a fair job forcing a little something doAvn.
Epig. No, but here's a possibility.
Gel. (eagerly) \Miat ?
Epig. When the guests are gone, then you come.
Gel. Curse you !
Epig. I don't mean to eat, but to wash the dishes.
Gel. Oh, go to hell ! (to Pamphilippus, rvistfully) Pam- philippus, what do you say ?
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TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Pamph. Ad cenam hercle alio promisi foras.
Gel. Quid, foras ?
Pamph. Foras hercle vero.
Gel. Qui malum tibi lasso libet
foris cenare ? Pamph. Vtrum tu censes ?
Gel. luben domi cenam coqui
atque ad ilium renuntiari ? Pamph. Solus cenabo domi ?
Gel. Non enim solus : me vocato. Pamph. At ille ne suscenseat, 600
mea qui causa sumptum fecit. Gel. Facile excusari potest.
mihi modo ausculta, iube cenam domi coqui. Epig. Non me quidem
faciet auctore, hodie ut ilium decipiat. Gel. Non tu hinc abis ?
nisi me non perspicere censes quid agas. cave sis tu tibi,
nam illic homo tuam hereditatem inhiat, quasi esuriens lupus.
non tu scis, quam efflictentur homines noctu hie in via? Pamph. Tanto pluris qui defendant ire advorsum iussero. Epig. Non it, non it, quia tanto opere suades ne ebitat. Gel. lube
domi mi tibique tuaeque uxori celeriter cenam coqui.
si hercle faxis, non opinor dices deceptum fore. 610
Pamph. Per hanc tibi cenam incenato, Gelasime, esse hodie licet.
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STICHUS
wamph. {apparently dismayed) Gad ! I promised to take
' supper out.
n'l. What? Out?
*a>nph. Gad, yes, really — out.
it el. (shocked) How the deuce can a weary man like you want supper out ?
^aniph. WTiat do vou suppose I'd better do ?
lel. Do ? Have supper cooked at home and send your host regrets !
^amph. Supper at home alone ?
je/. No, no, not alone. Invite me.
^cnnph. But I fear he'd think such treatment insupportable, having gone to that expense on my account.
lel. Oh, you can excuse yourself all right. Just you listen to me, have supper cooked at home.
'^pm. (firmly) I certainly will not countenance his deceiv- ing that man to-day.
3el. (to Epignomiis) Get out of this, will you ! You can't suppose I don't see through your game, (to Pam- philippus, earnestly) Do, do look out for yourself. Why, that man is after your estate open-mouthed like a ravening wolf. Are you not aware how people are strucken down dead in the streets here at night ?
'ampk. Ah, that being so, I must order more slaves to meet me and defend me.
Epig. (seemingly alarmed for his brother, to Gelasimus) He won't go, he won't go, not with you so urgent against his going !
Gel. Then hurry and have supper cooked at home for me and you and your wife. By gad, you do that, and I warrant you'll never say a word about deception.
Pamph. (laughing) If this is the only supper you count on, Gelasimus, you'll have to stay unsupped to-day.
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TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Gel. Ibisne ad cenam foras ?
Pamph. Apud fratrem ceno in proxumo.
Gel. Certumnest ?
Pamph. Certum.
Gel. Edepol te hodie lapide percussiim velim.
Pamph. Non metuo : per hortum transibo, non prodibo in
publicum. Epig. Quid ais, Gelasime?
Gel. Oratores tu accipis, habeas tibi.
Epig. Tua pol refert.
Gel. Enim, si quidem mea refert, opera utere.
Epig. Posse edepol tibi opinor etiam uni locum condi ^
ubi accubes. Pamph. Sane faciundum censeo.
Gel. O lux oppidi.
Epig. Si arte poteris accubare. Gel. Vel inter cuneos ferreos ;
tantillum loculi, ubi catellus cubet, id mi satis est loci. Epig. Exorabo aliquo modo. veni. Gel. Hucine ?
Epig. Immo in carcerem ;
nam hie quidem genium meliorem tuom non facies. eanius, tu. Pamph. Deos salutabo modo, poste ad te continuo transeo. Gel. Quid igitur ?
Epig. Dixi equidem, in carcerem ires.
Gel. Quin si iusseris,
eo quoque ibo.
^ Leo notes .acuna here : propemodum SchoelL
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STICHUS
\Gel. You are going out to supper ? 'Pai/ipk. Yes, with mv brother next door. Gel. That's settled? Pamph. Settled. Gel. By Jove, I only hope you get staved in with a
stone this day ! Pamph. No fear, I'll cross over through the garden, and not
appear in public. Epig. {picouragingly) But I say, Gelasimus ! Gel. (sour) You have spokesmen guests — {?pitk a wave
ionard Pamphilippus) keep 'em. Epig. Ah, but this concerns you. Gel. {hopeful again) Oh well, if it does concern me,
accept my ser\ices. Epig. The fact is, I believe room can still be made for one
man like yourself to he in. Pamph. Yes, yes, I suppose it should be done. Gel. Oh, you beacon of the commonwealth ! Epig. If vou can lie compactly. Gel. Between iron wedges, even ! Just a wee wee bit of
room, big enough to bed a puppy in — that's room
enough for me. Epig. I'll talk 'em into it somehow. Come along, {leads
Gelasimus dotrn the street) Gel. {as they pass Epignomus' door) In here ? Epig. Oh no, to gaol, {leaving him) For you really won't
increase your personal comfort in here, (to Pam- philippus) Come, let's go. Pamph. {entering his onm house) I'll just pay homage to the
gods ; then I'll come across at once and join you.
[exit. Gel. {pleadingly) WTiat now? Epig. Good Lord, I told you — go on to gaol. Gel. {humbly) Well, if you say the word, I'll go there, too.
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TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Epig. Di immortales, hie quidem pol summam in crucem
cena aut prandio perduci potest. Gel. Ita ingenium meumst :
quicumvis depugno multo facilius quam cum fame. Epig. Dum parasitus mi atque fratri fuisti, rem con-
fregimus. Gel. Non nego ista apud te.
Epig. Satis spectatast mihi iam tua felicitas ;
nunc ego nolo ex Gelasimo mihi fieri te Catagelasi-
mum. 630
Gel. lamne abiisti ? Gelasime, vide quid es capturus
consih.
egone ? tune, mihine ? tibine. viden ut an-
nonast gravis ? viden, benignitates hominum ut periere et prothy-
miae? viden ridiculos nihili fieri, atque ipsos parasitarier ? numquam edepol me vivom quisquam in crastinum
inspiciet diem ; nam mihi iam intus potione iuncea onerabo gulam, neque ego hoc committam, ut me esse homines mortuom dicant fame. 640
ACTVS V
Stick. More hoc fit, atque stulte mea sententia:
si quem hominem exspectant, eum solent provisere ; qui hercle ilia causa ocius nihilo venit.
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STICHUS
''-pig- Ye immortal gods ! What a man ! I do believe a
dinner or lunch would induce him to take the
highest place at a hanging. Tcl. This is how I'm constituted: there's nothing I find
it nearly so damned hard to fight as hunger. 'P'S- (heartless) When you were our parasite, my brother
and I both went bankrupt.
{penitent) I don't deny it, sir.
I have already tested amply the sort of luck you
bring. Now I want no Jollyassimus making a
Sillyassimus out of me.
[exit rXTO HIS HOUSE.
Gone already? (in ivry despair) Gelasimus, my friend, see what counsel you should take. I ? You. For mvself ? For yourself. See you the heavy cost of food? See you how men's philanthropies and bonhomie have perished from the earth ? See you how Ants are held at naught and patrons themselves turn parasitical ? Never, I vow, shall anyone behold me hving on the morrow. For now within I'll load my gullet with a draught of hemp, and give no rise to allegations that I died of hunger.
[exit, his heroism damped by the odours FROM Epignomus' kitchen.
. ACT V
ENTER Stickus VERY SLIGHTLY UNSTEADY. HE LOOKS
DOAVN THE STREET, THEN MANAGES TO PUT A TABLE
AND BENCH IN FRONT OF PamphiUppUs' HOUSE.
(looking donm the street again) It's all silly and . , , Stupid, in my opinion, this habit folks have of being on the look-out for somebody they're waiting for. Lord! He doesn't come a bit quicker for that.
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TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
idem ego nunc facio, qui proviso Sagarinum, qui nihilo citius veniet tamen hac gratia, iam hercle ego decumbam solus, si ille hue non venit. cadum modo hinc a me hue cum vino transferam, postidea accumbam. quasi nix tabescit dies.
V. 2.
Sang. Salvete, Athenae, quae nutrices Graeciae,
sperata eriHs patria, te video Hbens. 650
sed amica mea et conserva quid agat Stephanium
curaest, ut valeat. nam Sticho mandaveram,
salutem ut nuntiaret atque ei ut diceret
me hodie venturum, ut cenam coqueret temper!.
sed Stichus est hie quidem. Stick. Fecisti, ere, facetias,
quom hoc donavisti dono tuom servom Stichum.
pro di immortales, quot ego voluptates fero,
quot risiones, quot iocos, quot savia,
saltationes, blanditias, prothymias. Sang. Stiche. Stick. Hem.
Sang. Quid fit ?
Stick. Euge Sangarine lepidissume. 660
fero convivam Dionysum mihique et tibi.
nam que edepol cena cocta est, locus liber datust
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STICHUS
The very thing I'm doing now, on the look-out for Sagarinus, but he won't come a bit faster on that account. {surveying his arrangements) By Jupiter, I'll soon be . . . planting myself at table alone, if he doesn't come. That cask of wine — I'll just bring it over here from our house, and then I'll take my place. The day's oozing away like snow.
[exit.
cene 2. enter Sangarinus jauntily.
ang. Greetings, Athens, thou nurse of Greece ! Longed- for land of my master, gladly do I view thee. (eyeing Pamphilippus' house amorously) But Stephan- ium's on my mind, what my sweetheart and slave- mate's doing, how she's feeling. Why, I com- missioned Stichus to greet her for me and tell her I was arriving to-day, so that she would have dinner cooked in season, (as Epignomus' door opens) Ah, but here is Stichus, I see.
ENTER Stichus CARRYING A CASK AND JUG.
Uich. {to himself) You did a . . . jolly neat job, master,
presenting your servant Stichus with this present.
Ye immortal gods ! The joys I bring, the . . .
laughtering,thejokes,the loving kisses, and dancing
and bliss and bonhomie! {drinks) tang, {calling) Stichus ! itich. {startled) Ha! iong. How goes it ? itich. {seeing him) Grand, Sangarinus, you . . . nicest
man alive ! I'm bringing you and me a guest . . .
Bacchus. Yes, damme, and dinner's all cooked,
and you and I've been given the run of your
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TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
mihi et tibi apud vos — nam apud nos est con- vivium,
ibi voster cenat cum uxore adeo et Antipho,
ibidem erus est noster — hoc mihi dono datumst. Sang. Quis somniavit aurum ? Stick. Quid id ad te attinet ?
proin tu lavare propera. Sang. Lautus sum.
Stick. Optime.i
volo eluamus hodie, peregrina omnia
relinque, Athenas nunc colamus. sequere me. Sang. Sequor, et domum redeunti principium placet.
bona scaeva strenaque obviam occessit mihi.
V. 3.
Stepk. Mirum videri nemini vestrum volo, spectatores,
quid ego hinc, quae ilhc habito, exeam : faciam vos
certiores. domo dudum hue arcessita sum, nam quoniam
nuntiatum est istarum ventures viros, ibi festinamus omnes; lectis sternendis studuimus munditiisque apparan-
dis. inter illud tamen negotium meis curavi amicis, Sticho et conservo Sagarino meo, cena cocta ut
esset.
^ Leo brackets following v., 668 : sequere ergo hoc me intro. Sang. Ego vero sequor.
Stich.
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STICHUS
house here — what with the party at our place, and your master and his wife dining there, along \sith Antipho and my master too — and here's a . . . gift I had given me. (passes the Jug to Sangannus)
^mng. {doubtfully , after slaking a large thirst) Who had a dream of gold ?
SftVA. What does it matter to you ? So you clean up and be . . . quick about it.
Sang, {ivith a rakish air) I have cleaned up — always do.
Sb'cA. Splendid!^ But to-day's our day to get cleaned ... out. No more of all that foreign truck! Now let's be good Athenians, (shifting the cask) Come along.
[exit into PamphiUppus' house. (Jbllon-ing) I'm coming, and I approve of an arrival home that begins like this, (smacking his lips) The omen \nth a largess that came my way was capital.
[exit.
Scene 3. enter Stephanium from Epignomus' house.
Steph. Spectators, I don't want it to seem strange to any of you that I appear from here when I live there. (indicating PamphiUppus' house) So I'll enhghten you. I was summoned here from home a while ago, for after they had word of their husbands' coming, we've all^ been on the jump there. Covering couches, getting things tidied up — we've kept at it. But busy though I've been, I looked out for my boy friends, my Stichus and my slave-mate Sangarinus, and got their dinner cooked. Stichus did the
^ V. 668 : Come on m with me, then. Sang. Coming, yes indeed 1
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TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Stichus obsonatust, ceterum ego operam do : is adle-
gavit. nunc ibo hinc et amicos meos curabo hie advenientes.
V. 4.
Sang. Ag'te ite foras : ferte pompam. cado te praeficio,
Stiche. omnibus modis temptare eertumst nostrum hodie
convivium. ita me di ament, lepide accipimur quom hoc recipi-
mur in loco, quisquis praetereat, comissatum volo vocari. Stick. Convenit,
dum quidem hercle quisque veniat, veniat cum vino
suo. nam hinc quidem hodie poUuctura praeter nos
dabitur nemini.^ nosmet inter nos ministremus monotropi. Sano. Hoc convi\numst
pro opibus nostris satis commodule nucibus, fabuhs,
ficuHs, olea in trybho,^ lupillo, comminuto crustulo. Stick. Sat est: servo homini modeste mehus facere
sumptum quam ampUter. suom quemque decet : quibus divitiae domi sunt,
scaphiis cantharis batiocis bibunt, at nos nostro Samiolo poterio : tamen bibimus nos, tamen efficimus pro opibus
nostra moenia.
1 Corrupt (Leo) : datur netnini Lindsay.
* olea in tryblio Turnebua : oleae interiplio corrupt (Leo).
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STICQUS
marketing, and I'm managing the rest : he assigned jobs. Now I'll leave here and go attend to my darling home-comers.
[exit into Pamphilippus' house.
jiene 4. enter Sangarinus and Stickus, laden with EDIBLES. Sangarinus also now a bit elevated-
V. (as if to a staff of servants) Come on, lads, out with you ! Bring along the . . . supply train. Stichus, I appoint you Director of the Cask. I've made up my mind to put this banquet of ours to-day through all sorts of paces, (setting the table most punctiliously) Lord love me, but ain't we being treated nicely, being entertained here ! I want everj'one that goes by called over to help us . . celebrate.
h. I agree, yes sir, I . . . agree, so long as all comers come with their own \iine. For I'm telling you, not a soul besides us gets a . . . dehcatoothful of this (tapping the cask) to-day. Now let's just serve ourselves tout seuls. (begins btf serving another drink)
o. (appraising the viands happily) Smart enough Uttle banquet, I call it, considering our . . . means. Nuts, little beans, little figlets, olives daiis ecuelle, lillupines, pieces of . . . pastry !
k. (virtuously) Enough is right. A slave had better be a careful spender, not . . . overdo it. Each accord- ing to his purse, (fondling the cask) People ^^ith piles of money can drink out of . . . embossed beakers and tankards and fancygoblets, while we drink out of our . . Lilsamian jug. But we drink just the same, we perform our . . functions, just the same, as our means allow, (they perform their functions again)
8i
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Sang. Age dice uter utrubi accumbamus. Stick. Abi tu sane upen'or.
atque adeo, ut tu scire possis, pacto ego hoc tecum
divido : vide, utram tibi libet etiam nunc capere, cape provinciam. Sang. Quid istuc est provincial ? Stick. Vtrum Pontine an Libero
imperium te inhibere mavis ? Sang. Nimio liquido Libero. 700
sed arnica mea et tua dum cenat dumque se exornat,
nos volo tamen ludere inter nos. strategum te facio huic convivio. Stick. Nimium lepide in mentem venit : potius quam in subsellio cynice hie accipimur quam in lectis. Sang. Immo enim nimio hie dulcius.
sed interim, stratege noster, cur hie cessat can-
tharus ? vide, quot cyathos bibimus. Stick. Tot quot digiti tibi sunt in manu.
cantio Graecast : fj ttcvt' tj rpia ttlv tj /jltj reTrapa.
Sang. Tibi propino. decumam a fonte tibi tute mde, si sapis. 82
STICHUS
ins
Get at it ! You say who's to lie where.
ich. Go along, of course you take the top. And more than that, so you'll know, this is how I'll share Avith you. (points to the table) Look! You just take whichever . . . province you like to take now,
7ng. What d'ye mean , , , pro\ince ?
'ich. (ivith a nave tojvard the rvater and nine at opposite ends of the table) Which do you prefer to exercise . , , authority over, Fons or Bacchus ?
mg. {planting himself at the nine end) Bacchus — ■ clear choice ! {they fall upon the food heroically) But while our , , , sweetie, yours and mine, is dining and dressing up, let you and me have some fun together, just the same, I elect you , . . Commandant of this banquet.
{stretching) Something awfully clever just occurred to me : our treatment here is {snickering) . , . CvTiic-doggish — we're . , , benched, not couched, {contentedly) No, no ! This is lots pleasanter. But meanwhile, mon . , . Commandant, why's this tankard so slow? {prepares to remedy the matter) Say how many cups we have to a drink. As many as the fingers on your hand. You know that . , , foreign ditty :
Bois-en cinq ou . . . irois. Jamais quat' n'en bois.
(pouring and drinking) Here's to your health! (pourmg again and passing it to Stichus) Fill in a tenth from . , , old Fons there for yourself, if you know what's what. (Stichus drinks to him ; Sangar- inus pours himself another ; chants)
83
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
bene vos, bene nos, bene te, bene me, bene nostram etiam Stephanium.^ Stick. Lepide hoc actum est. tibi propino cantharum.
vinum tu habes. Sang. Nimis vellem aliquid pulpamenti. Stick. Si horum, quae adsunt, paenitet,
nihil est. tene aquam. Sang. Melius dicis ; nil moror cuppedia.
bibe, tibicen. age si quid agis, bibendum hercle
hoc est, ne nega. quid hie fastidis quod faciundum vides esse tibi ?
quin bibis ? ^ accipe inquam. non hoc tuo fit sumptu : inpendet
publicum, baud tuom istuc est te vereri. eripe ex ore tibias. Stick. Vbi illic biberit, vel servato meum modum vel tu dato.^ nolo ego nos prosum hoc ebibere.* nulli rei
erimus postea ; namque edepol quam vis desubito vel cadus verti potest.
^ Leo brackets following w., 710-711 : Stich. Bibe si bibis.
Sang. Non mora erit apud me.
Stich. Edepol convivi sat est,
mode nostra hiic arnica accedat : id abest, aliiid nil abest,
^ Leo brackets following age si quid agis.
* dato Ital. : dabo corrupt (Leo).
* -prosum hoc ebibere Mueller : prosumo bibere corrupt (Leo).
84
STICHUS
Luck to thee and luck to me,
Luck to us and luck to you, {nith a wave tarvard the audience)
And luck to our little Stephanium, too ! ^ (after taking his turn) Ah, this is a . . . grand success ! Here's your tankard. You have the wine, (the banquet proceeds)
{eating nith less gusto) How I ... do wish we had a bit of tenderloin, (jpours)
{offended) If you aren't . . . satisfied with what's here, it's just too bad. Take some water. {accepts and drinks) Right you are. I've got no use for . . . dainties, {pours again and jovially con- veys it to stage musician) Piper, have a drink. {the piper shakes his head) Down it, if you're . . . going to down it ! By the Lord, you've got to drink it, no . . . saying no. Why so squeamish about doing what you . . . see you've got to do? Why don't you drink? Take it, I tell you. You don't pay : it's the . . . government. It's not your way to be backward. Pull those pipes out of your face.
{gravely observing Sangannus' ebullience) When he's had his drink, you . . . stick to my pace or set it yourself. I don't want us to go straight ahead drinking this all up. We won't be good for . . . anything later on. ^^'^ly, good Lord, it takes no time at all for even a cask to get . . . bottom up.
1 Vv. 710-711 : If you're drinking, drink. I won't be behindhand.
By Jove, this party's complete, only let our sweetie show up. That's aU that's . . . lacking, nothing else is lacking.
85
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Sang. Quidigitur? quamquam gravatus fuisti, non nocuit
tamen. 720
age, tibicen, quando bibisti, refer ad labeas tibias, suffla celeriter tibi buccas quasi proserpens bestia. agedum, Stiche, uter demutassit, poculo multa- bitur. Siich. Bonum ixis dicis. impetrare oportet qui aequom
postulat. Sang. Age ergo observa. si pecassis, multam hie retinebo
ilico. Stick. Optimum atque aequissimum oras. em tibi hoc primum omnium : haec facetiast, amare inter se rivalis duos, uno cantharo potare, unum scortum dueere. hoc memorabilest : ego tu sum, tu es ego, unianimi
sumus, unam amicam amamus ambo, mecum ubi est, tecum
est tamen ; 730
tecum ubi autem est, meciun ibi autemst ; neuter neutri invidet. Sang. Ohe, iam satis, nolo obtaedescat; alium ludum
nunc volo. Stick. Vin amicam hue evocemus ? ea saltabit. Satig. Censeo.
86
I
STICHUS
vig. (as the piper finally succumbs) Well now? Even if you did . . . boggle at it, it didn't hurt you. Come, piper, you've had your wine, so . . . pipes to your lips again. Quick ! Swell out your , . . chops like a snake, {the piper plays mth amnut- tion ; Sangarinus tries a feiv dance steps, then turns defiantly to Stichus) Come on, now, Stichus, whichever of us makes a slip (jnrouetiing) forfeits a drink. ich. Good fair . . . proposition. A reasonable request
ought to be granted. vig. Come, then, just you . . . watch, {dances till exhausted, then staggers to the hencJij If you . , . botch things, I'll take the forfeit here at once. ich. (rising) Perfectly right and reasonable. Look! Here's my first . . . number! (dances and sings) Jolly fine it is to . . . have your rival for
your pal. Sharing both one . . . loving cup, and both
one loving . . . gal. I am you and you are I ; we're . . . soul- mates rare, we two : When our sweetheart is with me, why,
she is still with . . . you. And still with you, she's still with me; We therefore feel no . . . jealousy. (Sangarinus likes it, Joins tn ; they give themselves several encores) ^^g- U^^^PP^g do7vn on the bench) Ho, hum ! That'll do ! (Stichus fiops beside him) Don't want . . . tediosity. Let's play something else, (pours drinks) ich. What d'ye say to calhng . . . sweetheart out?
She'll dance. vng. I'm in favour.
87
VOL. V. D
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Stick. Mea suavis, amabilis, amoena Stephanium, ad amores tuos foras egredere, satis mihi pulchra es. Sang. At enim pulcherrima.
Stick. Fac nos hilaros hilariores opera atque adventu tuo. Sang. Peregre advenientes te expetimus, Stephaniscidium, mel meum, si amabilitas tibi nostra placet, si tibi ambo accepti suimis.
V. 5.
Stepk. Morem vobis geram, meae deliciae. nam ita me Venus amoena amet, ut ego hue iam dudum simitu exissem vobiscum
foras, nisi me vobis exornarem, nam ita est ingenium
muliebre : bene cum lauta est, tersa ornata ficta est, infecta est
tamen ; nimioque sibi mulier meretrix repperit odium ocius sua inmunditia, quam in perpetuom ut placeat mun- ditia sua. Stick. Nimium lepide fabulata est.
Sang. Veneris mera est oratio,
Stick. Sangarine. Sang. Quid est ?
Stick. Totus doleo.
Sang. Totus ? tanto miserior.
88
STICHUS
Stick, (shouting, as they help each other torvard the door) My own dear, sweet, adorable . . . delectable Stephanium, come on out to your . . . darlings ! You're beautiful enough for me.
Sang, (going closer) He means beautiful . . . beyond compare.
Stick, (closer still) Make us frisky boys still . . . friskier by coming out and taking part.
~ . ig. (sticking his head inside) Here we are back from . . . abroad and pining for you, Stephanettikins, my honey dear, if you like our . . . winsome Uttle ways and we're both welcome.
Scene 5. enter Stephanium, puttixg the last touches
ox HER toilet.
"-ph. (as tkey escort her, amorously, to the table) I'll do any- thing for you, you precious things. VVhy, so may lovely Venus love me, I'd have come out here long ago just when you did, except for wanting to look my nicest for you. This is the way a woman is, you know — after all her bathing and pohshing and bedecking and beautifpng, she still feels like a failure. It's a great deal easier for a girl with lovers to lose them by being dowdy than to hold them forever by being dainty.
Stick. Ah, it's wonderful the way she . . . puts things. (sits domn still fondling her) ig. (doing likewise) Her words come . . . straight from
Venus
h. (n-riggling ecstatically) Sangarinus ! ■ig. \\Tiat is it ?
^ '-^- (PS^^^S ^^^) ^ J ^^* ache all over.
Sung. All over? That's just too bad.
89
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Stepk. Vtrubi accumbo ?
Sang. Vtrubis tu vis ?
Steph. Cum ambobus volo, nam ambos amo.
Stick. Vapulat peculium, actum est.
Sang. Fugit hoc libertas caput.
Steph. Date mihi locum, ubi accumbam, amabo, siquidem
placeo. Stick. Tun mihi ?
Stepk. Cupio cum utroque.
Stick. Ei mihi, bene ego dispereo. quid ais ?
Sang. Quid est ? 750
Stick. Ita me di ament, numquam enim fiet hodie, haec quin saltet tamen. age, mulsa mea suavitudo, salta : saltabo ego simul. Sang. Numquam edepol med istoc vinces, quin ego
ibidem pruriam. Stepk. Siquidem mihi saltandum est, tum vos date bibat
tibicini. Stick. Et quidem nobis.
Sang. Tene, tibicen, primum; postidea loci
si hoc eduxeris, proinde ut consuetu's antehac,
celeriter lepidam et suavem cantionem aliquam occupito
cinaedicam, ubi perpruriscamus usque ex unguicuUs. inde hue
aquam. 90
STICHUS
"iteph. {standing over them, smiling) Which side shall I lie?
>nng. (leering) Which side do you want ?
iieph. (petting them impartially) Beside yorf both, for I love you both !
^tich. (overcome) Bang go my . . . sa\ings ! I'm a ruin!
iang. (equally perturbed) Freedom says . . . good bye to poor me !
>teph. G^me, my dears, make room for me to he down, that is, if you like me.
>tich. (fervently) I hke you ?
<teph. I'm longing to be with you both, (they make thor- oughly sure she is)
^tich. (emerging) Oh, dear me! I'm in a . . . shocking bad way ! (to Sangarinus) I say.
■^ang. (also in a bad nay) What is it ?
Mich. Lord love me, but we can't ever get along to-day without her . . . dancing, though, (to Stephanium) Come, do, sweetness, my dear . . . honey girl, do dance. And I'U dance with you. (does so, Tvith abandon)
iang. (enviously) By Jupiter, you shan't ever get the . . . better of me that way. I'll do that too and get all . . . tingUng. (lurches toward her)
^teph. Well then, if I must dance, you boys must give the piper a drink.
Yes, and us. (the cask suffers severely) (pouring again) Take this, piper, first of all ! And then, quick, after you've . , . downed it, in that same old . . . famiUar way of yours, strike up some nice sweet . . . lecherous little tune that'll . . . titillate us down to our very fingertips. (holds out the jug to Stickus) Put in some water. (Stichus obliges)
9»
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
V. 6.
tene tu hoc, educe, dudum placuit potio : nunc minus gravate iam accipit, tene tu.
interim, 760
meus oculus, da mihi savium, dum illic bibit. Stick. Prostibilest tandem ? stantem stanti savium
dare amicum amicae ? euge euge, sic furi datur. Sang. Age, iam infla buccas, nunciam aliquid suaviter.
redde cantionem veteri pro vino novam.
V. 7.
qui lonicus aut cinaedicust, qui hoc tale facere possiet ? Stick. Si istoc me vorsu viceris, alio me provocato. Sang. Fac tu hoc modo. Stick. At tu hoc modo.
Sang. Babae.
Stick. J Tatae.
Sang. Papae.
Stick. Pax.
92
STICHUS
cene 6.
Here vou ! {carrying it to the piper) Take this ! Down with it ! {the piper reaches for it eagerly) He liked his last nip. This time he doesn't . . . boggle so at ha^^ng one. Here, take it. {returns to Stephanium) Now then, light of my . . . life, give me a nice long . . . kiss while he's drinking. {tries to get it) h. {intervening) Hey, you ! Think she's an . . . alley strumpet '^ The idea of a man gixing his girl a . . . nice long kiss, and both . . . standing up! {upsets them on the bench together) Hurray I Hurray ! Serves a thief right ! {hilarious riot ensues) g. {all aquiver, to the piper) Come on now, puff out your . . . cheeks, and give us something . . . luscious now! Let's have a new . . . tune for old wine. {the piper is inspired; Sangarinus and Stephanium dance, Sangarinus finally bursting into a solo of capers and undulations, the others applauding ivildly)
;ne 7.
WTio's the Ionian . . . artiste or . . . bawdy dancer could do this sort of . . . thing* {ends rvith an amazing specialty ; Stichus leaps into action, competes well till he falls)
rA. {getting up, feverish) If you beat me that round, dare me to . . . another !
ig. {rampant) Then do . . . this one! {excels himself, the music still more orgiastic)
:h. {frenzied) Well, you ... do this one !
Ig. {as his rival clearly breaks all records) Whoopsie !
:A. Doopsie !
tg. Boopsie I
:L Pouf!
93
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Sang. Nunc pariter ambo. omnis voco cinaedos contra.
satis esse nobis non magis potis quam fungo imber. 770 Stick. Intro hinc abeamus nunciam : saltatum satis pro vinost. vos, spectatores, plaudite at que ite ad vos comis- satum.
94
STICHUS
Sa)ig. (insatiable) Now both of us . . . together ! Bring on all your . . . bawdy dancers ! (pandemonium) We can't get . . . enough of this, any . . . more than a . . . mushroom rain !
Stick. (Jinalli/ exhausted) y^ovr let's . . . go inside! We've danced . . . enough for our . . . wine. Spec- tators, give us your . . . applause, then home and have a party of your . . . owti !
[exeunt OM^fES.
95
TRINVMMVS
OR
THREE BOB DAY
ARGVMENTVM
Thensaurum abstrusum abiens peregre Charmides,
Remque omnem amico Callicli mandat suo.
Istoc absente male rem perdit filius ;
Nam et aedis vendit : has mercatur Callicles.
Virgo indotata soror istius poscitur ;
Minus quo cum invidia ei det dotem Callicles,
Mandat qui dicat aurum ferre se a patre.
Vt venit ad aedis, hunc deludit Charmides
Senex, ut rediit ; quoius nubunt liberi.
PERSONAE
LvxvRiA CUM Inopia prologus Megaronides senex Callicles senex Lysiteles adulescens Philto senex Lesbonicvs adulescens Stasimvs servus Charmides senex Sycophanta
98
ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY
On going abroad, Channides leaves his friend Callicles in charge of a hidden treasure and all his affairs. During his absence his son runs through the property ; he even sells their house — which is bought by Callicles. The young fellow's sister, though an undowered girl, is asked in marriage, Callicles, wishing to give her a dowry, ^vithout causing unpleasant comment, engages a man to say that he brings the money from her father. When this man arrives at the house, old Charmides is back and has some sport with him. The children marry.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Luxury (rpith Want), the Prologue.
Megaron'ides, an old gentleman of Athens.
Callicles, his friend.
LvsiTELES, a young Athenian.
Philto, his father.
Lesboxicus, a friend of Lysiteles.
Stasimus, slave of Lesbomcus and Char nudes.
CHARMiDES.yh/Aer of Lesbonicus.
A SWINDLER.
99
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
PROLOGVS
LVXVRIA cum INOPIA
Lux. Sequere, hac me, gnata, ut munus fungaris tuom. Inop. Sequor, sed finem fore quern dieam nescio. Lux. Adest. em illae sunt aedes, i intro nunciam.
nunc, ne quis erret vostrum, paucis in viam
deducam, si quidem operam dare promittitis.
nunc igitur primum quae ego sim et quae illaec siet,
hue quae abiit intro, dicam, si animum advortitis.
primum mihi Plautus nomen Luxuriae indidit ;
tum banc mihi gnatam esse voluit Inopiam.
sed ea hue quid introierit impulsu meo
accipite et date vacivas aures dum eloquor.
adulescens quidam est, qui in hisce habitat aedibus ;
is rem paternam me adiutrice perdidit.
quoniam ei, qui me aleret, nil video esse reUeui,
I GO
THREE BOB DAY
Scene : — Athens. A street in which are the houses of Charmides and Megaronides, Philto's house is near. Between the houses is a lane from which one may enter a little annex back of Charmides' house : since selling his father's house to Callicles, Lesbonicus has lived
»in this annex, Callicles in the house itself.
PROLOGUE
ENTER Luxury, RICHLY DRESSED. BEHIND HER COMES Want, IN RAGS,
Luxury Follow me, this way, daughter mine, to perform your functions.
Want Follow I do, ignorant though I am of our destination.
Luxury {halts, points to the residence of Lesbonicus) It is reached. Look ! That is the house. In with you. straightway.
[exit Want, (to the audience) Now, that none of you may go astray, I shall put you on the right road with a few directions — {waits for their noise to subside) provided you agree to listen. Now then, who I am, and who she is, that went within here, this I shall first inform you {waits again) if you will accord me your attention. First, myself; Plautus has named me Luxury ; as for her, 'twas his wish that she be my daughter, Want. But why she entered here at my insistence, this you must learn, so give vacant ear to what I tell you.
A certain youth there is who dwells in this abode. He, with me to help him, has squandered his father's substance. Seeing that naught is left him with
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
dedi ei meam gnatam, quicum aetatem exigat.
sed de argumento ne exspectetis fabulae :
senes qui hue venient, ei rem vobis aperient.
huie Graece nomen est Thensauro fabulae :
Philemo scripsit, Plautus vertit barbare,
nomen Trinummo fecit, nunc hoc vos rogat 20
ut liceat possidere hanc nomen fabulam.
tantum est. valete, adeste cum silentio.
ACTVS I
Meg. Amicum castigare ob meritam noxiam
immoene est facinus, verum in aetate utile
et conducibile. nam ego amicum hodie meum
concastigabo pro commerita noxia,
invitus, ni id me invitet ut faciam fides.
nam hie nimium morbus mores invasit bones ;
ita plerique omnes iam sunt intermortui.
sed dum illi aegrotant, interim mores mali 30
quasi herba inrigua succrevere uberrime :
eorum licet iam metere messem maxumam,
neque quicquam hie nunc est vile nisi mores mali.
nimioque hie pluris pauciorum gratiam
faciunt pars hominum quam id quod prosint pluribus.
ita vincunt illud conducibile gratiae, j
quae in rebus multis opstant odiosaeque sunt
remoramque faciunt rei privatae et publicae.
102
THREE BOB DAY
which to provide for me, I have given him my daughter that he may pass his days with her.
But expect not to hear the plot of our play from me. The old men soon to appear ^^ill unfold it for you. The Greek name of this play is Thens.\urus: Philemon A\Tote it ; Plautus translated it into a foreign tongue, naming it Three Bob Day, and now asks you that it be allowed to keep this name. (about to leave) No more ! Fare ye well, and hear us through in silence.
[exit.
ACT I
ENTER Megarotudes, perplexed and moody.
Castigating a friend even when his offence deser\-es it, is a thankless job, but at times it's useful and expedient. Now here am I — ^with a friend {^lancing at Charmides' house) I mean to castigate thoroughly, as his offence thoroughly deserves. It's a hard task, but this sense of loyalty I'm driven by is a hard taskmaster. Why, a regular murrain has attacked this city's moral standards ; and now nearly all of 'em are moribund. But while they languish, meantime moral laxity has been springing up and flourishing like watered weeds. Men are making that their major crop at present. The only cheap thing about here nowadays is moral laxity. We have a crowd here that gives lots more consider- ation to currying favour with a certain clique than to our general welfare. So expedience is sacrificed to this favour-currying that's almost incessantly obstructive and odious and inimical to the common interest, private and public.
103
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
1.2.
Call. Larem corona nostrum decorari volo.
uxor, venerare ut nobis haec habitatio 40
bona fausta felix fortunataque evenat — -
teque ut quam primum possim videam emortuam. Meg. Hie ille est, senecta aetate qui factust puer,
qui admisit in se culpam castigabilem.
adgrediar hominem. Call. Quoia hie vox prope me sonat ?
Meg. Tui benevolentis, si ita es ut ego te volo,
sin aliter es, inimici atque irati tibi. Call. O amiee, salve, atque aequalis. ut vales,
Megaronides .'' Meg. Et tu edepol salve, Callicles.
Call. Valen? valuistin?
Meg. Valeo. et valui rectius. 50
Call. Quid tua agit uxor ? ut valet ?
Meg. Plus quam ego volo.
Call. Bene hercle est illam tibi valere et vivere. Meg. Credo hercle te gaudere, si quid mihi mah est. Call. Omnibus amicis quod mihi est cupio esse idem. Meg. Eho tu, tua uxor quid agit ? Call, Immortalis est,
vivit victuraque est. Meg. Bene hercle nuntias,
deosque oro ut vitae tuae superstes suppetat.
104
THREE BOB DAY
3cene 2. enter CalUcles into his doorway.
{to his wife rcithin) Our Household God must be
honoured with a chaplet. Beseech him to bless
this dwelling and make it propitious, pleasant
and prosperous for us, my dear — (aside, as he closes
the door) also to speed the day when I see you dead
and buried.
{observing him) Ah, there's the man that's turned
juvenile in his old age and been such a castigatable
young scamp, (^approaching) I'll at him.
(not seeing him at first) Wliose voice is that I hear
near by ?
A well-^visher's, if you're the sort I wish you to be ;
but if you're otherwise, an enemy's, and an angry
one.
(genially, thinking he jokes) Oho ! Good morning,
my dear old compeer ! How are you feeUng,
Megaronides ?
(stiffly) And good morning to you, Callicles, Lord,
yes !
(noticing his manner) Feeling well ? Been well, have
you?
I feel well, and have been well enough.
How's your Avife ? Is she well ?
(dryly) better than I like.
(smiling) By Jove, it's grand for you, ha\ing her
alive and feeling fit.
(forgetting his ire) And by Jove, I do believe you
take pleasure in my misfortunes.
I long for all my friends to have what I have.
Ha. you rascal ! And how's your own wife ?
Immortal. Alive, and always will be.
By Jove, that is grand news ! I pray Heaven for her
success in being your survivor.
105
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Call. Dum quidem hercle tecum nupta sit, sane velim. Meg. Vin commutemus, tuam ego ducam et tu meam ?
faxo haud tantillum dederis verborum mihi. 60
Call. Namque enim tu, credo, me imprudentem obrep-
seris. Meg. Ne tu hercle faxo haud nescias quam rem egeris. Call. Habeas ut nanctu's : nota mala res optumast.
nam ego nunc si ignotam capiam, quid agam nesciam. Meg. Edepol proinde ut diu vivitur, bene vivitur.
sed hoc animum advorte atque aufer ridicularia ;
nam ego dedita opera hue ad te advenio. Call. Quid venis ?
Meg. Malis te ut verbis multis multum obiurigem. Call. Men ?
Meg. Numquis est hie alius praeter me atque te ?
Call. Nemost. Meg. Quid tu igitur rogitas, tene obiurigem? 70
nisi tu me mihimet censes dicturum male.
nam si in te aegrotant artes antiquae tuae,^
omnibus amicis morbum tu incuties gravem,
ut te videre audireque aegroti sient. Call. Qui in mentem venit tibi istaec dicta dicere ? Meg. Quia omnis bonos bonasque adcurare addecet,
suspicionem et culpam ut ab se segregent. .
Call. Non potest utrumque fieri.
^ Leo brackets following w., 72»-74 : sin immiitare vis ingenium moribus !
aut si demutant mores ingenium tuom neque eos antiquos servos, ast captas novos.
^ Vv. 72»-74 : But if you wish to conform your character to modem ways, or if modem ways transform that character of yours, and it's off with the old and on with the new. •
io6
THREE BOB DAY
Just what I'd like, by Jove — if only she were your
\^ife.
Want to swap, give me yours and take mine ? You
wouldn't be cheating me, I promise you, not so
much, {illustrating)
(ironically) Ah, indeed! No doubt I'd be the one
caught napping and surprised by you.
You'd soon notice what you had done, I'll guarantee
that, by Jove.
Findings keepings ! " The ill that's known is the ill
that's best." Why, with an unknown one on my
hands now, I'd have no notion what to do.
Yes, you're right. " By living long we learn to
live." {suddenly stem) But away with pleasantries
now and accord me your attention ; for I have a
purpose in coming here to see you.
WTiat is it ?
To rate you roundly in good round terms, and in
good measure.
Me?
Is anyone else here besides myself and you ?
(looking, innocently) Not a soul.
Then why ask if it's you I'm rating? Unless you
suppose I mean to use those round terms on myself.
(hotly) See here, if your old-time canons of conduct
grow so sickly inside you,^ you'll infect all your
friends with a painful malady, too — the sight and
sound of you will sicken 'em.
(calmly) What put it into your head to talk to me
like this ?
Because it behooves all decent men and women to
be careful to stay absolutely free from suspicion and
guilt. ^
It can't be done, not from both.
107
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Meg. Quapropter ?
Call. Rogas ? 80
ne admittam culpam, ego meo sum promus pectori :
suspicio est in pectore alieno sita.
nam nunc ego si te surrupuisse suspicer
lovi coronam de capite ex Capitolio,
qui in columine astat summo : si id non feceris
atque id tamen mihi lubeat suspicarier,
qui tu id prohibere me potes ne suspicer ?
sed istuc negoti cupio scire quid siet. Meg. Haben tu amicum aut familiarem quempiam,
quoi pectus sapiat ? Call. Edepol haud dicam dolo : 90
sunt quos scio esse amicos, sunt quos suspicor,
sunt quorum ingenia atque animos nequeo noscere,
ad amici partem an ad inimici pervenant ;
sed tu ex amicis mi es certis certissimus.
si quid scis me fecisse inscite aut improbe,
^ si id me non accusas, tute ipse obiurgandus es. Meg. Scio ;
at, si alia hue causa ad te adveni, aequom postulas. Call. Expecto si quid dicas. Meg. Primumdum omnium,
male dictitatur tibi volgo in sermonibus :
turpilucricupidum te vocant cives tui ; 100
tum autem sunt alii, qui te volturium vocant :
hostisne an civis comedis, parvi pendere.
haec cum audio in te dici, discrucior miser. Cat. Est atque non est mi in manu, Megaronides :
quin dicant, non est ; merito ut ne dicant, id est. Meg. Fuitne hie tibi amicus Charmides .''
^ Corrupt (Leo) : si id non me acciisas, tute obiurgandu's Reiz, Bothe.
Io8
I
THREE BOB DAY
How is that ?
You ask ? I keep the key to my o^^^l thoughts and
can close them to guilt : suspicion is stored in the
thoughts of others. Why, I may suspect you this
minute of ha\ing stolen the crow-n from the head
of Jove's Capitoline statue that stands on top of the
temple : you might be innocent, yet if I still chose
to suspect you of it, how can you stop my suspicions ?
But I'm eager to hear what's troubling you.
Have you a friend, or someone you know well, a
man possessed of common sense ?
Gad, to be quite candid — there are some I know
to be friends, some I suspect of it, and some whose
natures and feelings I can't see into well enough
to say whether they're more inclined to be friends
or foes. But of all my sure friends the very surest
is yourself. So if you're aware of my having acted
unwisely or unworthily, and don't bring me to book,
you're the man that ought to get the rating.
I know it ; and if I 've come to you for any other
reason, you have cause for complaint.
I'm awaiting what you have to say.
Well, in the first place, ugly things are being said
about you, it's the common talk: your own fellow
citizens are calhng you Old Boodlegrabitinski.
Yes, and others are calling you The Cormorant :
foreigners or fellow citizens, you don't give a damn,
but gobble 'em all. WTien I hear such things said
of you it hurts, hurts Hke the devil.
This is a matter I can, and can't, control, Megaron-
ides : what they say I can't ; the justice of what
they say, I can.
Charmides here {pointing to his house) was a friend
of yours ?
109
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Call. Est et fuit.
id ita esse ut credas, rem tibi auctorem dabo. nam postquam hie eius rem confregit filius videtque ipse ad paupertatem protractum esse se suamque filiam esse adultam virginem, 110
simul eius ma'trem suamque uxorem mortuam, quoniam hinc iturust ipsus in Seleuciam, mihi commendavit virginem gnatam suam et rem suam omnem et ilium corruptum filium. haec, si mihi inimicus esset, credo haud crederet.
M<^g Quid tu, adulescentem, quem esse corruptum vides, qui tuae mandatus est fide et fiduciae, quin eum restituis, quin ad frugem conrigis ? ei rei operam dare te fuerat aliquanto aequius, si qui probiorem facere posses, non uti 120
in eandem tute accederes infamiam malumque ut eius cum tuo misceres malo.
Call. Quid feci ?
Meg. Quod homo nequam.
Call. Non istuc meumst.
Meg. Emistin de adulescente has aedes — quid taces ? ubi nunc tute habitas ?
Call. Emi atque argent um dedi,
minas quadraginta, adulescenti ipsi in manum.
Meg. Dedistin argentum ?
Call. Factum, neque facti piget.
Meg. Edepol fide adulescentem mandatum malae.
dedistine hoc facto ei gladium, qui se occideret? quid secus est aut quid interest dare te in manus 130
argentum amanti homini adulescenti, animi impoti, qui exaedificaret suam incohatam ignaviam ?
Call. Non ego illi argentum redderem ?
no
I
THREE BOB DAY
Was, and is. And to convince you, here's a fact to prove it. After his son had wTCcked his estate for him and he saw himself being dragged do^\'n to poverty, his wife dead and their motherless daughter a grown up girl still unmarried — well, since he himself was going to Seleucia, he entrusted to me his daughter, all his affairs, and that young rake of a son. If we weren't friends, I hardly believe he'd have beheved in me to this extent. Yes, and you — this lad you saw was a young rake, a lad trusted to your loyal care and keeping, why didn't you reform him, why didn't you make a man of him? That was your job and you'd have done a bit better to devote your energies to it and see if you couldn't improve him somehow, instead of joining him in disrepute and adding rotten conduct of your ovra to his. WTiat have I done ? What a scoundrel would. (still mild) That's no habit of mine. You bought this house of the lad — why so silent ? — this house you now occupy yourself? Yes, bought it and gave the money for it — two hundred pounds — to the lad himself. You gave him the money, eh ? I did, and I don't regret it.
Upon my word, the perfidious hands that lad was put in ! So you did that ! gave him a sword to kill himself with ? WTiat else is it, what's the difference — when you gave the money to a girl- crazed, ungoverned young scapegrace so that he could finish that edifice of evil that he has begun ? So I shouldn't have paid him the money ?
Ill
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Meg. Non redderes,
neque de illo quicquam neque emeres neque ven-
deres, nee qui deterior esset faceres copiam. inconciliastin eum qui mandatust tibi, ille qui mandavit, eum exturbasti ex aedibus ? edepol mandatum pulchre et curatum probe ; crede huic tutelam : suam melius rem gesserit.
Call. Subigis maledictis me tuis, Megaronides, 140
novo modo adeo, ut quod meae concreditumst taciturnitati clam, fide et fiduciae, ne enuntiarem quoiquam neu facerem palam, ut mihi necesse sit iam id tibi concredere.
Meg. Mihi quod credideris sumes ubi posiveris.
Call. Circumspicedum te, ne quis adsit arbiter nobis, et quaeso identidem circumspice.
Meg. Ausculto si quid dicas.
Call. Si taceas, loquar.
quoniam hinc est profecturus peregre Charmides, thensaurum demonstravit mihi in hisee aedibus, 150
hie in conclavi quodam — sed circumspice.
Meg. Nemost.
Call. Nummorum Philippeum ad tria milia.
id solus solum per amicitiam et per fidem flens me obsecravit suo ne gnato crederem neu quoiquam unde ad eum id posset permanascere. nunc si ille hue salvos revenit, reddam suom sibi ; si quid eo fuerit, certe illius filiae, quae mihi mandatast, habeo dotem unde dem,
THREE BOB DAY
You should not ; you should have bought nothing of him, sold nothing to him, supplied him -with nothing to make him worse. You victimized a youth that was put in your keeping, and the man that put him there you bundled out of his ovvn home. Didn't you ? By the Lord I Pretty keeping he was put in ! Wonderful care ! Here's a guardian to trust — to feather his own nest ! {after a moment's meditation) Megaronides, this onslaught of yours is so overpowering and unex- pected that something entrusted to my discretion, to my good faith and fidelity, a secret I was to reveal to no one or allow to get out, I am now forced to entrust to you.
{earnestly) Anything you do trust to me you'll find intact where you left it. • {in a low tone) Look about, then, and make sure no one's overhearing us, and please look again from time to time.
{Jhllon-s instructions ; eagerly, coming closer) All right, all right, what is it ?
Quiet, and I'll tell you. {comes still closer) VThen Charmides was about to go abroad he showed me a {glancing round again) treasure hidden in this house, in a certain room here — but look about ! {obeying) There's no one.
Some three thousand pounds in gold, it was. And there alone together, he wept as he implored me in the name of friendship and loyalty not to trust this secret to his son or to anyone from whom it might leak out to him. So now if he comes back here safe, I will give him back his money. If an}-thing happens to him, I at least have the means of giving a dowry to his daughter who was put in
"3
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
ut earn in se dignam condicionem conlocem. Meg. Pro di immortales, verbis paucis quam cito 160
alium fecisti me, alius ad te veneram.
sed ut occepisti, perge porro proloqui. Call. Quid tibi ego dicam. qui illius sapientiam
et meam fidelitatem et celata omnia
paene ille ignavos funditus pessum dedit ? Meg. Quidum ? Call. Quia, ruri dum sum ego unos sex dies.
me apsente atque insciente, inconsultu meo,
aedis venalis hasce inscripsit litteris. Meg. Adesurivit magis et inhiavit acrius
lupus, observavit dum dormitarent canes :
gregem universum voluit totum avortere. Call. Fecisset edepol, ni haec praesensisset canes. 170
sed nunc rogare ego vicissim te volo :
quid fuit officium meum me facere ? face sciam ;
utrum indicare me ei thensaurum aequom fuit,
adversum quam eius me opsecravisset pater,
an ego alium dominum paterer fieri hisce aedibus ?
qui emisset, eius essetne ea pecunia ?
emi egomet potius aedis, argentum dedi
thensauri causa, ut salvom amico traderem. 180
neque adeo hasce emi mihi nee usurae meae :
illi redemi rusum, a me argentum dedi.
haec sunt : si recte seu pervorse facta sunt,
ego me fecisse confiteor, Megaronides.
114
THREE BOB DAY
my keeping, and I can arrange a suitable sort of match for her.
(overjoyed) Ye immortal gods ! How quickly those few words have made a different man of me, so different from the one that came to you ! But as vou were saying — come, come, continue ! \Miv tell you how my friend's good sense, my own loyalty and the whole hidden hoard were almost sent to everlasting smash by that young rip ? Eh ? How so ?
Well, while I was in the country for a mere six days, he — with me absent, not informed, non- consulted — put up a notice offering this house for sale.
(agog) Our wolf was all a-ravening now, maw wider still and hotter ; he watched till the dogs were napping ; wanted to make a clean sweep of the whole flock.
And by heaven, he'd have done it, if this old {grimly) dog hadn't scented things first, {with a hint of asperity) But now I'd hke to question you for a change. WTiat was it my duty to do ? Do instruct me. Was I called upon to apprise him of the treasure contrastanding the entreaties of his father ? Or was I to let this house fall into other hands ? Should that gold there belong to the man who bought it ? (pauses) Instead, I bought it myself, paid the money to keep the treasure, so as to return it to my friend untouched. This house is no house I bought for myself or my own enjoyment : I bought it back again for him, and paid for it from my o-svn pocket. These are the facts : whether I did rightly or wrongly, I admit doing it, Megaronides. There you are!
115
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
em mea malefacta, em meam avaritiam tibi ;
hascine propter res maledicas famas ferunt. Meg. IlaScrai, \icisti castigatorem tuom :
occlusti linguam, nihil est quod respondeam. Call. Nunc ego te quaeso ut me opera et consilio iuves
communicesque banc mecum meam provineiam, 190
Meg. Polliceor operam.
Call. Ergo ubi eris paulo post ?
Meg. Domi.
Call. Numquid vis ? Meg. Cures tuam fidem.
Call. Fiet sedulo.
Meg. Sed quid ais ? Call. Quid vis ?
Meg. Vbi nunc adulescens habet ?
Call. Posticulum hoc recepit, quom aedis vendidit, Meg. Istuc volebam scire, i sane nunciam.
sed quid ais ? quid nunc virgo ? nempe apud te est? Call. Itast,
iuxtaque eam euro cum mea. Meg. Recte facis.
Call. Numquid, prius quam abeo, me rogaturu's ? Meg. Vale.
nihil est profecto stultius neque stolidius
neque mendaciloquius neque argutum magis, 2001
neque confidentiloquius neque peiurius,
quam urbani assidui cives, quos scurras vocant.
atque egomet me adeo cum illis una ibidem traho,
qui illorimi verbis falsis acceptor fui,
ii6
THREE BOB DAY
There are my foul deeds, there is my rapacity!
This is the basis of the scurrilous tales they spread !
(seising his hand) Arrete ! Your castigator's beaten !
You've stopped my tongue, I have no words to
answer with !
Now I must ask for your aid and ad\ice, and help
in running this province of mine.
(fervently) My help's yours, I promise you.
Then where will you be a Uttle later ?
At home.
(about to go) There's nothing else ?
(nnth an apologetic smile) Yes, take care you're
trustworthy.
(lightly) I'll do my best, (going)
(callijig, still jiurried by it all) But I say !
WTiat is it ?
WTiere's the young fellow living now?
He reserved this annex (pointing) when he sold the
house.
That's what I wanted to know. All right, go along
now at once, (calling again) But I say ! How
about the girl now ? With you, I suppose ?
Yes indeed, she's receiving the same care as my
o\vn daughter.
Quite right.
(quizzically) Any other questions before I leave ?
[exit. Good bye ! (thinks things over, then disgustedly) There's certainly nothing more silly and stupid, more subdolous and voluble, more brassymouthed and perjured than these city busybodies called men about town. Yes, and I put myself in the very same categorv* \vith 'em, swallowing as I did the falsehoods of fellows that aflFect to know every-
"7
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
qui omnia se simulant scire neque quicquam sciunt.
quod quisque in animo habet aut habiturust sciunt,
sciunt id quod in aurem rex reginae dixerit,
sciunt quod luno fabulatast cum love ;
quae neque futura neque sunt, tamen illi sciunt.
falson an vero laudent, culpent quern velint,
non flocci faciunt, dum illud quod lubeat sciant.
omnes mortales hunc aiebant Calliclem
indignum civitate hac esse et vivere,
bonis qui hunc adulescentem evortisset suis.
ego de eorum verbis famigeratoriun insciens
prosilui amicum castigatum innoxium.
quod si exquiratur usque ab stirpe auctoritas,
unde quidquid auditum dicant, nisi id appareat,
famigeratori res sit cum damno et malo,
hoc ita si fiat, publico fiat bono,
pauci sint faxim qui sciant quod nesciunt,
occlusioremque habeant stultiloquentiam.
ACTVS II
Lys. Multas res simitu in meo corde vorso,
multum in cogitando dolorem indipiscor : egomet me coquo et macero et defetigo, magister mihi exercitor animus nunc est. sed hoc non liquet neque satis cogitatumst, ii8
THREE BOB DAY
thing and don t know anything. Why, what each man has in mind, or vriW have, they know ; know what the king whispers to the queen ; know what Juno chats about with Jove. Things that don't exist and never will — still they know 'em all. Not a straw do they care whether their praise or blame, scattered where they please, is fair or unfair, so long as they know what they Uke to know Why, everyone round was saying that this Callicles was a disgrace to the city, being here and being ahve, after doing that lad out of his own property. And I listen to those tittletattlers and go plunging right into that castigation of an innocent friend ! Ah, if we only went to the root of everything they hear and tell about, and demanded their authority, and then fined and punished our tittletattlers if they didn't produce it — if we did this, we'd be doing a public service, and I warrant there d be few people knowing what they don't know, and quite a lull in their bhtherblather.
[exit into his house.
ACT II ENTER Lysiteles hurriedly, he is restless,
DISTRAIT, ALMOST HYSTERICAL.
The jumble of things that go round and round in my head ! And the damnable state I get in from this thinking ! I chafe and stew and exhaust myself; this mind of mine is a trainer that certainly works me hard. But even yet it's not clear, not thought out, which of these ways of Uving I'd
119
VOL. ▼. E
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
utram potius harum mihi artem expetessam,
utram aetati agundae arbitrer firmiorem :
amorin med an rei opsequi potius par sit, 230
utra in parte plus sit voluptatis \itae
ad aetatem agundam. de hac re mihi satis hau liquet ; nisi hoc sic faciam,
opinor, ut utramque rem simul exputem, iudex sim reusque ad eam rem.
ita faciam, ita placet ; omnium primum Amoris artis eloquar quem ad modum expediant. numquam Amor quemquam nisi cupidum hominem postulat se in plagas conicere : eos cupit, eos consectatur ; subdole 1 ab re consulit, blandiloquentulus, harpago, mendax, cuppes, avarus, elegans, despoliator,
latebricolarum hominum corrupter ,2 240"
inops celatum indagator. nam qui amat quod amat quom extemplo saviis sagittatis perculsust, ilico res foras labitur, liquitur. " da mihi hoc, mel meum, si me amas, si
audes." ibi ille cuculus : " ocelle mi, fiat : et istuc et si amplius vis dari, dabitur." ibi ilia pendentem ferit : iam amplius orat ; non satis id est mali, ni amplius etiam, quod ecbibit, quod comest, quod facit sumpti. nox datur : ducitur familia tota, 250
vestiplica, unctor, auri custos, flabelliferae, sandali- gerulae,
^ Leo brackets following blanditur. t20
THREE BOB DAY
rather follow, which I'm to believe gives you firmer footing as you pass your days ? Should I go in for love affairs or attend to business ? Which should I find the better basis for enjoying existence through the years ?
(pacing back and forth) No, the answer's not quite clear to me. (halting) The only thing to do, it seems, is examine 'em both together and serve as judge and advocate in the case. That's what I'll do, that's a good idea. I'll begin by exposing the arts of Love and their procedure.
(as to a jury) Love never hopes to have anyone come dashing into his nets except men of loose desires : it is those that he himself desires, those he dogs. He gives them sly, disastrous counsel, he is wheedle-tongued and predacious, lying, deliciat- ing, grasping, luxurious ; he is a despoiler, a cor- rupter of men into bawdyhousehaunters, and when out of funds he sniffs out secrets. The moment your lover is pierced by those barbed and blissful kisses of the one he loves, his property begins to slip and drip away, (in tender tones) " Do give me this, honey dear, if you love me, please do." " Of course, my precious pet," says our booby then, " you shall have it, and have more too, if you like." Then she gets him all strung up for flogging and lays it on: now she asks for more; and that's too httle damage, without more still to drink, to eat, to spend. She grants him a night : moves in on him with her whole household — - her wardrobe woman, masseur, cashier, her fan- bearettes and slipperbearelles, her songstresses and
* Leo brackets following blandua.
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
cantrices, cistellatrices, nuntii, renuntii,
raptores panis et peni ; fit ipse, dum illis comis est, inops amator.
haec ego quom ago cum meo animo et recolo,
ubi qui eget, quam preti sit parvi :
apage te, Amor, non places nil te utor ;
quamquam illud est dulce, esse et bibere, Amor amara dat tamen, satis quod aegre sit :
fugit forum, fugitat suos cognatos, 260
fugat ipsus se ab suo contutu,
neque eum sibi amicum volunt dici.
mille modis, Amor, ignorandu's,
procul abhibendu's at que abstandu's,
nam qui in amorem praecipitavit,
peius perit quasi saxo saliat :
apage te, Amor, tuas res tibi habeto,
Amor, mihi amicus ne fuas umquam ;
sunt tamen quos miseros maleque habeas.
quos tibi obnoxios fecisti. 270
certumst ad frugem adplicare animum,
quamquam ibi labos grandis capitur. boni sibi haec expetunt, rem, fidem, honorem,
gloriam et gratiam : hoc probis pretiumst. eo mihi magis lubet cum probis potius quam cum improbis vivere vanidicis.
II. 2.
Phil. Quo illic homo foras se penetravit ex
aedibus ?
Lys. Pater, adsum, impera quidvis,
neque tibi ero in mora neque latebrose me abs tuo conspectu occultabo.
122
THREE BOB DAY
cofFeresses, her errand boys and errand-back-boys, all preying on his bread and board. And in his hospitahty to them our lover's funds run out.
When I think this over and recall what poor repute a pyoor man's in — avaunt, Love, I hke you not ! I have no use for you ! Eating and drinking may bring a bit of pleasure, but it's a bitter pain you get from Love, and plagues galore. The lover flees the forum, flies from his own kin, puts himself to flight from his own self-scrutinv, and men dislike to have him called their friend. No, Love, you must be shunned by ever>' means, ofFheld and off"- stood afar, for the man that has fallen headlong into love comes to greater grief than if he cast himself off a cliff. Avaunt, Love ; take back your dowry, Love, and never be friend of mine ! You still have some poor devils to persecute, men that you've got your grip on.
{tvith considerable assurance) It's settled, settled. I devote myself to things worth while, even if it does involve a lot of effort.
It's wealth and confidence and esteem, fame and public favour that good men seek for : these are the prizes probity brings. So it's such men, men of probity, I'd much rather Uve with than smooth- spoken reprobates.
Scene 2. enter Pkilio with poxderous dignity.
Phil. (not seeing Lysiteles) I wonder where that lad betook
himself when he came out. Lys. (stepping for tvard, now strong m virtue) Here 1 am,
father, command me as you please. I won't keep
you waiting, I won't be hiding in some hole and
corner out of your sight.
123
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Phil. Feceris par tuis ceteris factis, 280
patrem tuom si percoles per pietatem.
nolo ego cum improbis te viris, gnate mi, neque in via, neque in foro necullum sermonem exsequi.
novi ego hoc saeculum moribus quibus siet : malus bonum malum esse volt, ut sit sui similis ; turbant, miscent mores mali : rapax avarus invidus sacrum profanum, publicum privatum habent, hiulca gens.
haec ego doleo, haec sunt quae me excruciant, haec dies noctesque tibi canto ut caveas. quod manu non queunt tangere tantum fas habent quo manus abstineant, 290
cetera : rape trahe, fuge late — lacrumas
haec mihi quom video eliciunt, quia ego ad hoc genus hominum duravi. quin prius me ad plures penetravi ? nam hi mores maiorum laudant, eosdem lutitant quos
conlaudant. hisce ego de artibus gratiam facio, ne colas neve imbuas ingenium.
meo modo et moribus vivito antiquis,
quae ego tibi praecipio, ea facito.
nihil ego istos moror faeceos mores, turbidos,
quibus boni dedecorant se. haec tibi si mea imperia capesses, multa bona in
pectore consident. 300
Lys. Semper ego usque ad hanc aetatem ab ineunte adulescentia tuis servivi servitutem imperils^ praeceptis, pater, pro ingenio ego me liberum esse ratus sum, pro imperio tuo
124
THREE BOB DAY
{starchy and self-righteous) You will be living up to your life of the past, if you have respect and filial affection for your father. My boy, I ^\ish you to hold no converse with reprobates, in the streets or in the forum, none whatever. I know this age and what its moral standards are : a bad man wants a good man to be bad, and so be hke himself. These bad men muddle our standards, mix them up ; that \vide-maw tribe, the grasping, the mean, the en\ious, regard things sacred as profane, public as private. It gripes me, it torments me, it is what I harp on day and night that you are to guard against. The only thing they think it WTong to lay their hands on is something that is out of reach. As for the rest — nab it and bag it, clear out and he low ! Ugh ! \Mien I see all this it brings tears to my eyes that I have lasted till such a race was born. \Miy not have hied me hence before to join the great majority? \Miy, these men praise the standards of our sires, and then be-suUy what they so bepraise. My boy, I can dispense with your adopting such practices and letting them contaminate your character. Live as I live, by the good old standards, and carry out the precepts that you get from me. I cannot stand those filthsome, chaotic standards that disgrace good citizens. Take these injunctions of mine to heart, and many a blessing will you have within you. {very patient and duttfut) Father, all along from early youth to my present age I have subjected myself to your injunctions and your precepts. I felt that, though I was free by birth, the filial bond made it
^ Leo brackets following eU
125
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
meum animum tibi servitutem servire aequom
censui. Phil. Qui homo cum animo inde ab ineunte aetate
depugnat sue, utrum itane esse mavelit ut eum animus aequom
censeat, an ita potius ut parentes eum esse et cognati
velint : si animus hominem pepulit, actumst : animo servit
non sibi ; si ipse animum pepulit, dum vivit victor victorum
cluet. tu si animum vicisti potius quam animus te, est
quod gaudeas. 310
nimio satiust, ut opust te ita esse, quam ut animo
lubet : qui animum vincunt, quam quos animus, semper
probiores cluent. Lys. Istaec ego mi semper habui aetati integumentum
meae ; ne penetrarem me usquam ubi esset damni con-
ciliabulum neu noctu irem obambulatum neu suom adimerem
alteri neu tibi aegritudinem, pater, parerem, parsi sedulo : sarta tecta tua praecepta usque habui mea modestia. Phil. Quid exprobras ? bene quod fecisti tibi fecisti, non
mihi ; mihi quidem aetas actast ferme : tua istuc refert
maxime. is probus est quem paenitet quam probus sit et frugi
bonae ; 320
quis ipsus sibi satis placet, nee probus est nee frugi
bonae : ^
126
THREE BOB DAY
proper for me to subject my inclinations to your wishes.
{rising to greater heights) The man that fights it out with his inclinations from early youth, in settling whether he is to be the sort his inchnations sanction, or rather the sort that pleases his parents and his kin — if inclinations have mastered the man, it is all over. He serves his inclinations, not himself. But if the man has mastered his inclinations, then for life will he be called conqueror of conquerors. If you, my boy, have conquered your inclinations, rather than they you, you should rejoice : 'tis far better to be the man you ought to be than the man you are' inchned to be. Those who conquer their inclinations, rather than they them, are always known as men of probity indeed. {nith unction) I have always made vour tenets an encasement for my youth. Such things as betaking myself to any dissolute resort, or ro\ing about at night, or depri\ing anyone of what was his, or being a source of grief to you. father, I have resolutely refrained from. I have constantly kept your precepts in good repair by my self-control. {seeing another opportunity) \Miy fuss about it ? Your good behaviour has been good for vou, not me. My own poor day is almost done : it is your- self your conduct most affects. The really upright man feels himself too little upright and deserv- ing ; he who is well satisfied with himself is neither upright nor deserving.* Well-doing must
* V. 322 : The man that diaapproves of himself gives promise of performance.
* Leo brackets following v., 322 :
fui tpsiM ae coniemnit, in east indoles induslriae.
127
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
bene facta bene factis aliis pertegito, ne perplu- ant. Lys. Ob earn rem haec, pater, autumavi, quia res quae- damst quam volo ego me abs te exorare. Phil. Quid id est ? dare iam veniam gestio.
Lys. Adulescenti hinc genere summo, amico atque aequali meo, minus qui caute et cogitate suam rem tractavit,
pater, bene volo ego illi facere, si ut non nevis. Phil. Nempe de tuo ?
Lys. De meo : nam quod tuomst meumst, omne meumst autem tuom. Quid is ? egetne ?
Eget.
Habuitne rem ?
Habuit.
Qui earn perdidit ? 330 publicisne adfinis fuit an maritumis negotiis ? mercaturan, an venales habuit ubi rem perdidit? Nihil istorum.
Quid igitur ?
Per comitatem edepol, pater; praeterea aliquantum animi causa in deliciis disper-
didit. Edepol hominem praemandatum ferme familiariter, qui quidem nusquam per virtutem rem confregit,
atque eget ; nil moror eum tibi esse amicum cum eius modi
virtutibus. Quia sine omni malitiast, tolerare eius egestatem volo. •
T28
THREE BOB DAY
be roofed with more well-doing to keep the rain out.
(less exalted) My reason for stating this, father, is the fact that there's something I want you to agree to.
What is it ? I am already eager to oblige you. There's a young fellow here (iritk a nod toward the city in general) that comes of fine family, a friend of mine about my age, (awkwardly) and, father, he has managed his affairs incautiously and impru- dently, and I want to do him a good turn, if you don't object.
(mildly ironic) From your own funds, I presume? (smiling faintly) My own, yes: for what's yours is mine, and of course all mine is yours. What about him ? Badly off .'' He is, sir.
And he once had money ? Once, sir.
(brisk and suspicious) How did he lose it ? Tied up with state contracts, was he, or maritime ven- tures ? Did he lose it in trade, or slave-dealing? None of those ways, sir. Then how ?
(after a pause) I assure you, father, it was his — kind-heartedness. Besides, he — did waste some of it indulging his — inclinations. (sarcastic) Bless my soul ! How cordially the man is commended by that introduction ! He ^\Tecked his estate in no reputable way, and now he is poor, eh I I dislike seeing a man of such character on friendly terms with you.
He doesn't mean badly at all, father, so I want to relieve him in his poverty.
129
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Phil. De mendico male meretur qui ei dat quod edit aut bibat ; nam et illud quod dat perdit et illi prodit vitam ad
miseriam. 340
non eo haec dico, quin quae tu vis ego velim et
faciam lubens : sed ego hoc verbum quom illi quoidam dico, prae-
monstro tibi, ut ita te aliorum miserescat, ne tis alios misereat. Li/s. Deserere ilium et deiuvare in rebus advorsis pudet. Phil. Pol pudere quam pigere praestat, totidem litteris. Lifs. Edepol, deum virtute dicam, pater, et maiorum et tua multa bona bene parta habemus, bene si amico
feceris ne pigeat fecisse, ut potius pudeat si non feceris. Phil. De magnis divitiis si quid demas, plus fit an minus ? Lys. Minus, pater ; sed civi immuni scin quid cantari
solet ? 350
" quod habes ne habeas et illuc quod non habes
habeas, malum, quandoquidem nee tibi bene esse pote pati neque alteri." Phil. Scio equidem istuc ita solere fieri ; verum, gnate mi, is est immunis, cui nihil est qui munus fungatur suom. Lys. Deum virtute habemus et qui nosmet utamur, pater,
et aliis qui comitati simus benevolentibus. Phil. Non edepol tibi pernegare possum quicquam quod velis. cui egestatem tolerari vis ? eloquere audacter patri. 130
THREE BOB DAY
You do a beggar bad service by giving him food and drink ; you lose what you give and prolong his life for more misery. I say this not because I am unwilling to do what you wish and do it gladly : but when I apply these words to that somebodv of yours, I forewarn you to pity others in such a way as not to let others pity you.
But I should feel disgraced to desert him m mis- fortune and be a helpgrudger.
Gad ! Better feel disgraced than disgusted, despite their being words of equal length. {jpleadingly) Ah, but see here, father, thanks to heaven and our forbears and yourself, we're well supplied with well-earned means, and if vou do well by a friend, you shouldn't be disgusted at doing so, but rather disgraced if you don't. Does subtracting something from a handsome fortune make it greater or less } Less, father — but you know that song they often sing at part-with-nothings ?
Lose what you've got, get what you ve not,
You mean old cuss ! You let it do no good to you.
Nor yet to us.
Yes indeed, I know that often happens ; but. my
dear boy, the real part-with-nothing is the man that
has nothing with which to do his part.
Thanks be to heaven, we have plenty for our own
use, father, and enough to be generous to others
that are friendly to us.
Well, well, I cannot keep refusing you anything
you wish. WTiose poverty do you want to relieve ?
Speak out freely to your father.
131
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Lys. Lesbonico huic adulescenti, Charmidai filio,
qui illic habitat. Phil. Quin comedit quod fuit, quod non fuit ? 360
Lys. Ne opprobra, pater ; multa eveniunt homini quae
volt, quae nevolt. Phil. Mentire edepol, gnate, atque id nunc facis baud consuetudine. nam sapiens quidem pol ipsus fingit fortunam sibi : eo non multa quae nevolt eveniunt, nisi fictor malust. Lys. Multa illi opera opust ficturae, qui se fictorem probum vitae agundae esse expetit : sed hie admodum adu- lescentulust. Phil. Non aetate, verum ingenio apiscitur sapientia ;
sapienti aetas condimentum, sapiens aetati cibust. agedum eloquere, quid dare illi nunc vis ? Lys. Nil quicquam, pater ;
tu modo ne me prohibeas accipere, si quid det mihi. 370 Phil. An eo egestatem ei tolerabis, si quid ab illo ac-
ceperis ? Lys. Eo, pater.
PIdl. Pol ego istam volo me rationem edoceas.
Lys. Licet.
scin tu ilium quo genere natus sit ? Phil. Scio, adprime probo.
Lys. Soror illi est adulta virgo grandis : eam cupio, pater,
ducere uxorem sine dote. Phil. Sine dote uxorem .''
Lys. Ita ;
tua re salva hoc pacto ab illo summam inibis
gratiam, neque commodius uUo pacto ei poteris auxiliarier. Phil. Egone indotatam te uxorem ut patiar ?
132
THREE BOB DAY
It's this voung Lesbonicus, Charmides' son, who lives there, (pointing)
(again indignant) That waster who devoured all he had, and more too ?
Don't be harsh, father ; much happens to a man whether he wants it or not.
Hold on, my son! That's a he, and lying is no habit of yours. For I tell you, a man, a wise man, moulds his own destiny : so not much happens to him that he does not want, unless he be a poor moulder.
He must be a moulder of much experience, father, if he aspires to mould a whole hfe well : but this young fellow is still very young. 'Tis not by age, but character, that wisdom is acquired. Age merely spices -wisdom ; wisdom is the very sustenance of age. But come on, speak out. WTiat do you wish to give him now ? Nothing at all, father ; only don't you prevent my accepting, if he gives me something. And you will relieve his poverty by doing that, by letting him give you something ? By doing that, father.
Gad ! I should hke instruction in your method. Very well. You know what his family is ? I do, highly desirable.
He has a sister, grown-up, marriageable. Father, I'm eager to have her for my wife — without a dowTy.
(shocked) A wife without a dowry ? Yes, sir. This way you'll earn his very warmest esteem, and there's no more fitting way for you to help him — and it costs you nothing. (tveakening) I to let you marry an undowered wife ?
133
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Lys. Patiundumst, pater ;
et eo pacto addideris nostrae lepidam famam familiae. Phil. Multa ego possum docta dicta et quamvis facunde
loqui, 380
historiam veterem atque antiquam haec mea
senectus sustinet ; verum ego quando te et amicitiam et gratiam in
nostram domum video adlieere, etsi adversatus tibi fui, istac iudico: tibi permitto ; posce, duce. Lys. Di te servassint mihi.
sed adde ad istam gratiam unum. Phil. Quid id est autem unum
Lys. Eloquar
tute ad eum adeas, tute concilies, tute poscas. Phil. Eccere.
Lys. Nimio citius transiges : firmum omne erit quod tu egeris. gravius tuom erit unimi verbum ad eam rem quam centum mea. Phil. Ecce autem in benignitate hoc repperi, negotium.
dabitur opera. Lys. Lepidus vivis. haec sunt aedes, hie habet ; 390
Lesbonico est nomen. age, rem cura. ego te opperiar domi.
ri.3.
Phil. Non optuma haec sunt neque ut ego aequom
censeo : verum meliora sunt quam quae deterrvuna. sed hoc me unum consolatur atque animum
meum, quia qui nihil aliud nisi quod sibi soli placet
134
THREE BOB DAY
ys. (more urgent) You must let me, father. And this way, too, you'll bring new credit to our family name.
kil. (after deliberation) I could speak wise words a-plenty, aye, and very eloquently ; this old head of mine holds many an ancient instance of long ago. But since I see you are ^vinning friendship and esteem for all of us, although I have opposed you, I decide as you wish ; you have my consent — ask for her, marry her.
fs. (happily) Heaven keep you for me, father ! But just one more favour, sir.
b7. Ah, and what is that one ?
fs. This, sir. You go to him, you bring him round to it, you ask for her, yourself, sir.
b7. (in seeming consternation) Now look at that !
fS. You'll put it through so much more quickly, father: what you do will all be final. \\Tiy, in this matter one word of yours will have more weight than a hundred of mine.
Ul. Just look at what I get for my kindness — a job ! (^nnth genial resignation) I will help you out.
fs. That 's splendid of you ! (pointing) This is the house, here's where he lives ; his name's Lesbonicus. All right, now see to it, sir. I'll be waiting for you at home.
[exit. Scene 3.
Piil. (going slon'ly toward lesbonicus' door) Hm ! Not the best possible situation, this, and not one I should choose. But it is superior to the worst possible. I do have one consoling thought, how- ever— a man that consults his son's welfare, in a way that is satisfactory to himself only, acts like a
155
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
consulit advorsum filium, nugas agit : miser ex animo fit, factius nihilo facit. suae senectuti is acriorem hiemem parat, quom illam importunam tempestatem conciet. sed aperiuntur aedes quo ibam : commodum ipse exit Lesbonieus cum servo foras.
II. 4.
Lesb. Minus quindecim dies sunt, quom pro hisce
aedibus
minas quadraginta accepisti a Callicle.
estne hoc quod dico, Stasime ? Stas. Quom considero,
meminisse videor fieri. Lesb. Quid factumst eo ?
Stas. Comessum, expotum ; exussum : elotum in
■ balineis,
piscator, pistor apstulit, lanii, coqui,
holitores, myropolae, aucupes : confit cito ;
non hercle minus divorse distrahitur cito,
quam si tu obicias formicis papaverem. Lesb. Minus hercle in istis rebus sumptumst sex
minis. Stas. Quid quod dedisti scortis ?
Lesb. Ibidem una traho.
Stas. Quid quod ego defrudavi .''
Lesb. Em, istaec ratio maxumast.
Stas. Non tibi illud apparere, si sumas, potest ;
nisi tu immortale rere esse argentum tibi. Phil. Sero atque stulte, prius quod cautum oportuit,
postquam comedit rem, post rationem putat. 136
THREE BOB DAY
fool : he is embittered and things are entirely unbettered. He in^^tes a harder winter for his own age by stirring up rough weather of that kind. (stopping) But there goes the door I was headed for ! This is timely ! Here comes Lesbonicus himself with his servant, (dratvs back round the (comer)
Scene 4. enter Lesbonicus and Stasimus into their
DOORWAY.
Lesb. (sombrely) It's hardly two weeks since you received two hundred pounds from Calhcles for this house Isn't that true, Stasimus ?
Stas. (jiippanily) On consideration, I seem to remember the incident.
Lesb. \Miat's become of it ?
Stas. Eaten up, drunk up ; devoured by flames ; drained down the baths, made away with by the fish man, the baker, butchers, cooks, greengrocers, perfumers, fKJultrjTnen. It was finished fast. Why, good Lord, it disappeared in all directions as fast as poppy seeds you throw to the ants.
Lesb. Good Lord ! Why, less than thirty pounds was spent that way.
Stas. How about what you gave to harlots ?
Lesb. I'm including that.
Stas. (smirking) How about what I filched ?
Lesb. Aha! That's the biggest account.
Stas. Well, vou can't see where money goes, if all you do is spend it ; unless you fancy yours is the kind that lasts for ever.
Phil. (aside, outraged) A belated and brainless thing — a thing to be thought of earlier — to figure his accounts now after squandering his assets !
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Lesh. Nequaquam argenti ratio comparet tamen.
Stas. Ratio quidem hercle apparet : argentum oixcai.
minas quadraginta accepisti a Callicle, 420
et ille aedis mancipio abs te accepit ? Lesb. Admodum.
Phil. Pol opino adfinis noster aedis vendidit ;
pater quom peregre veniet, in portast locus,
nisi forte in ventrem filio eonrepserit. Stas. Trapezitae mille drachumarum Olympieo,
quas de ratione dehibuisti, redditae ? Lesb. Nempe quas spopondi.
Stas. Immo " quas dependi " inquito ^
pro illo adulescente, queni tu esse aibas divitem. Lesb. Factum.
Stas. Vt quidem illud perierit.
Lesb. P'actum id quoque est.
nam nunc eum vidi miserum et me eius miseri- tumst. 430
Stas. Miseret te aliorum, tui nee miseret nee pudet.
Phil. Tempust adeundi.
Lesb. Estne hie Philto qui advenit ?
is herclest ipsus. Stas. Edepol ne ego istimi velim
meum fieri servom cum suo peculio. Phil. Erum atque servom plurumum Philto iubet
salvere, Lesbonicvun et Stasimum. Lesb. Di duint
tibi, Philto, quaequomque optes. quid agit filius ?
^ Leo notes corruption and brackets following v., 427» : qua sponsione pronuper tu exactua es.
^ V. 427 : Security that you just recently got dunned for.
138
THREE BOB DAY
Still, I don't see through this cash account by any
means.
Lord ! You see the account all right : it's the cash
that's deloge. You got two hundred pounds from
Callicles, and he got legal title to the house from
you?
Exactly.
(aside) Well ! It seems our new connection has
sold his house. WTien his father gets back from
abroad he can put up at Beggars' Arch, unless he
manages to steal into his son's belly.
Banker Olympicus was paid fifty pounds you owed
him according to his books.
Fifty pounds I went security for, yes.
Huh! " Went into your pocket for," you mean,*
to rescue that young fellow you used to say was
rich.
That's so.
So that the money's gone to pot.
That's so, too. Why, seeing the pitiful state he'd
come to, I did pity him.
You pity others, but have no pity for yourself, or
shame either.
{aside, stepping forward) Time to approach him.
(seeing him) Isn't that Philto coming toward us ?
Yes, that's who it is.
(aside to Lesbonicus) Jove ! Wouldn't I like to have
that chap for a slave of mine with the nest-egg
he's got !
(imposingly affable) Lesbonicus, Stasimus, a very
good morning to you both, master and slave, from
Philto.
(formally, surprised) God grant your every prayer,
Philto. How is your son ? '
139
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Phil. Bene volt tibi.
Lesb. Edepol mutuom mecum facit,
Stas. Nequam illud verbumst " bene volt," nisi qui
bene facit.
ego quoque volo esse liber : nequiquam volo ;
hie postulet frugi esse : nugas postulet. Phil. Mens gnatus med ad te misit, inter te atque
nos
adfinitatem ut conciliarem et gratiam.
tuam volt sororem ducere uxorem ; et mihi
sententia eademst et volo. Lesb. Hau nosco tuom :
bonis tuis rebus meas res inrides malas. Phil. Homo ego sum, homo tu es : ita me amabit
luppiter,
neque te derisum advenio neque dignum puto.
verum hoc quod dixi : meus me oravit filius,
ut tuam sororem poscerem uxorem sibi. Lesb. Mearum me rerum novisse aequomst ordinem.
cum vostra nostra non est aequa factio.
adfinitatem vobis aliam quaerite. Stas. Satin tu es sanus mentis aut animi tui,
qui condicionem banc repudies ? nam ilium tibi
ferentarium esse amicum inventum intellego. Lesb. Abin hinc dierecte ?
Stas. Si hercle ire occipiam, votes.
Lesb. Nisi quid me aliud vis, Philto, respondi tibi.
Phil. Benigniorem, Lesbonice, te mihi,
quam nunc experior esse, confido fore ;
nam et stulte facere et stulte fabularier,
utrumque, Lesbonice, in aetate hau bonumst. Stas. Verum hercle hie dicit.
140'
THREE BOB DAY
Full of good wishes for you. I certainly reciprocate them.
(muttering) "Good wishes"! That's a useless phrase without good actions. I've got wishes my- self to be free : it's no use ^vishing. He (nodding toward his master) might want to be a decent sort : he'd want in vain.
My son sent me to you for the purpose of uniting our famihes in the bonds of relationship and esteem. He wishes to marry your sister ; and my feelings are the same, I wish it, too.
(hurt) This is unlike you, sir — fortunate yourself, to make fun of my misfortunes. (still a bit pompous) We are simply two men, you and I. I am not here to make fun of you, God bless my soul, no; I should think it quite unfitting. But the facts are as I said : my son has begged me to ask that your sister may be his wife. (stiffly) It becomes me to recognize the position in which I am. Our standing is not equal to yours. Your family must seek some other connection. (aside to Lesbonicus) Lost your wts, lost your mind, have you, rejecting such a match? Why, as I see it, you've found a friend, a friend in the supporting forces.
(aside to him, savagely) Get to the devil out of here ! Gad ! If I did try to go, you'd stop me. (to Philto, Tvithjirmlity) If that is all, Philto, you have my answer, (about to leave)
Phil. I trust, Lesbonicus, that you will regard me with more favour than I find you do at present. Foolish tactics and foolish talk, both, are small help in this life of ours, Lesbonicus.
Stas. (to his master) By gad, and that's the truth !
141
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Lesb. Oculum ego ecfodiam tibi,
si verbum addideris.
Stas. Hercle qui dicam tamen ;
nam si sic non licebit, luscus dixero.
Phil. Ita tu nunc dicis, non esse aequiperabiles
vostras cum nostris factiones atque opes ?
Lesb. Dico.
Phil. Quid ? nunc si in aedem ad cenam veneris
atque ibi opulentus tibi par forte obvenerit — adposita cena sit, popularem quam vocant — 470 si illi congestae sint epulae a cluentibus : si quid tibi placeat quod illi congestum siet, edisne an incenatus cum opulento accubes ?
Lesb. Edim, nisi si ille votet.
Stas. At pol ego etsi votet
edim, atque ambabus malis expletis vorem, et quod illi placeat praeripiam potissimum, neque illi concedam quicquam de vita mea. verecundari neminem apud mensam decet, nam ibi de divinis atque humanis cernitur.
Phil. Rem fabulare.
Stas. Non tibi dicam dole : 480
decedam ego illi de via, de semita, de honore populi ; verum quod ad ventrem
attinet, non hercle hoc longe, nisi me pugnis vicerit. cena hac annona est sine sacris hereditas.
Phil. Semper tu hoc facito, Lesbonice, cogites,
id optumum esse, tute uti sis optumus; si id nequeas, saltem ut optumis sis proxu-
mus. nunc condicionem hanc, quam ego fero et quam abs te peto.
142
THREE BOB DAY
You add another word, and I'll gouge an eye out
for you !
By gad, I'll have my say, anyhow. If I can't with
two eyes, I'll have it with one!
(to Lesbonicus) So you allege that the standing and
means of your family are not equiparable to our
own ?
I do.
Listen ! Supposing you went to a temple dirmer,
where what they call a public banquet is served,
and the place beside you happened to be taken by
some plutocrat whose clients heaped up delicacies
in front of him — if you fancied anything in that
heap of his, would you eat it or stay dinnerless
beside that plutocrat ?
I'd eat it, unless he forbade.
(vehemently) But I'd eat it, even if he did forbid,
by Jupiter! I'd stuff both cheeks and gorge, and
an}i:hing he fancied would be the first thing I
fastened on ! I wouldn't concede him an ounce
of what my Wtals need. Nobody has a right to
hold back at table, for that's where the most
important things in life are disposed of.
(rvith a stately smile) Quite to the point.
I'll tell you the honest truth: I'd make way for
that plutocrat on the street, or the sidewalk, or in
public office ; but when it comes to belly-matters,
I won't make way so much, (illustrates) by gad, not
unless he's got better fists. With prices what thev
are, a dinner's a legacy without encumbrances.
Always bear this in mind, Lesbonicus : the best
thing is to be a person of the best sort yourself;
failing that, at least to keep as close to the best
sort as you can. Now this match which I propose
143
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
dare atque accipere, Lesbonice, te volo.
di divites sunt, deos decent opulentiae 490
et factiones, verum nos homunculi,
satillum animai qui quom extemplo emisimus,
aequo mendicus atque ille opulentissimus
censetur censu ad Acheruntem mortuos. Stas. Mirum quin tu illo tecum divitias feras.
ubi mortuos sis, ita sis ut nomen cluet. Phil. Nunc ut scias hie factiones atque opes
non esse neque nos tuam neglegere gratiam,
sine dote posco tuam sororem filio.
quae res bene vortat— habeon pactam ? quid taces ? 500
Stas. Pro di immortales, condicionem quoius modi.
Phil. Quin fabulare " di bene vortant, spondeo " ?
Stas. Eheu ubi usus nil erat dicto, spondeo
dicebat ; nunc hie, quom opus est, non quit dicere. Lesb. Quom adfinitate vostra me arbitramini
dignum, habeo vobis, Philto, magnara gratiam.
sed si haec res graviter cecidit stultitia mea,
Philto, est ager sub urbe hie nobis : eum dabo
dotem sorori ; nam is de divitiis meis
solus superfit praeter vitam relicuos. 510
Phil. Profecto dotem nil moror.
Lesb. Certumst dare.
Stas. Nostramne, ere, vis nutricem, quae nos educat,
144
THREE BOB DAY
and seek from you, Lesbonicus, I wish vou to accept and consent to. The gods are really rich, real abundance and real standing are the riffht of gods, but we poor mannikins, once we have breathed out our little triflet of existence, are rated %A-ith an equal rating — beggar and lofty plutocrat alike — when we go dead to Acheron.
(aside, uncharitably) It's a wonder you wouldn't take your money there A\nth you. \\Tien you're dead I hope you'll do credit to your condition. Now to show you that family standing and means have no place in this matter, and that your regard is nothing we undervalue, J request you to give my son your sister without dowry, {thinking this magnijicence clinches it) And heaven bless the match, (noticing Lesbonicus' strange expression) You betroth her, I take it ? ^^^ly silent ? (jubilant) Ye immortal gods, what an offer ! (as Lesbonicus broods) Why not come out with a " God's blessing on it ! Agreed "? (aside, Lesbonicus still brooding) Oh damn ! He said " Agreed " plenty of times when he shouldn't ; and now he should, he can't !
(n-ith mixed emotions) I am very grateful to all of you, Philto, for considering me worthy of being connected with your family. Now despite the awful wTcck my folly has made of things, we still have a farm near the city : that shall be my sister's dowry. For of all I had, that alone is left me, that and (grimly) life. I certainly want no dowry. ' Jirmly) I insist that she have one. (aside to Lesbonicus. appalled) Hey, master, d've want to aUenate the very foster-mother that
M5
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
abalienare a nobis ? cave sis feceris.
quid edemus nosmet postea ? Lesh. Etiam tu taces ?
tibi ego rationem reddam ? Stas. Plane periimus,
nisi quid ego eomminiscor. Philto, te volo. Phil. Si quid vis, Stasime.
Stas. Hue concede aliquantum.
Phil. Licet.
Stas. Arcano tibi ego hoc dico, ne ille ex te sciat
neve alius quisquam. Phil. Crede audacter quidlubet.
Stas. Per deos atque homines dico, ne tu illunc agrum 520
tuom siris umquam fieri neque gnati tui.
ei rei argumenta dicam. Phil. Audire edepol lubet.
Stas. Primum omnium olim terra cum proscinditur,
in quinto quoque sulco moriuntur boves. Phil. Apage, Acheruntis ostium in vostrost agro.
Stas. Tum vinum prius quam coctumst pendet
putidum. Lesb. Consuadet homini, credo, etsi scelestus est,
at mi infidelis non est. Stas. Audi cetera.
post id, frumenti quom alibi messis maximast,
tribus tantis lUi minus redit quam opseveris. 530
Phil. Em istic oportet opseri mores malos,
si in opserqndo possint inter fieri.
146
THREE BOB DAY
nurtures us ? Just watch your step ! Then how
shall we get nourished ?
{angrily) Hold your tongue ! Am I accountable to
you ? {again lost in meditation)
{aside) We're gone for good, unless I think up
something, {ttvitching at Philto's arm) Philto, sir,
I want you.
{turning) Well, what is it, Stasimus ?
{drafting kim aside) This way a bit, sir.
By all means.
{with awful intensity) What I'm telling you is most
confidential, sir ; do keep it dark from him {indi
eating Lesbonicus) and everyone else.
Trust me freely \\ith anything.
By all that's holy, sir, never let that farm come into
your hands or your son's. And 111 tell you my
reasons for saying so.
(seemingly impressed) Bless my soul! I must hear
them.
{thinking fast) Well, to begin with, sir, whenever
that land's first ploughed, why, in every fifth
furrow the oxen drop dead.
Lord love us ! Your farm must be the site ot the
mouth of hell !
And then the grapes, sir — they hang there and rot
before they're ripe.
{aside, momentarily aroused by his slave's earnestness)
He's pressing Philto hard, apparently. Rascal
though he is, he's a loyal one to me.
And hear the rest, sir. Moreover, sir. when every
one else has a whopping harvest, that farm yields
three times less than you sow.
Aha ! Precisely the sort of place to sow wild oats,
if they can be killed in the sowing.
147
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Stas. Neque umquam quisquamst, quoius ille ager
fuit, quin pessume ei res vorterit : quoium fuit, alii exulatum abierunt, alii emortui, alii se suspendere. em nunc hie quoius est, ut ad incitas redactust.
Phil. Apage a me istum agrum.
Stas. Magis apage dicas, si omnia ex me audiveris.
nam fulguritae sunt alternae arbores ; sues moriuntur angina acerrume ; 540
oves scabrae sunt, tarn glabrae, em, quam haec
est manus. tum autem Surorum, genus quod patientis-
sumumst hominum, nemo extat qui ibi sex menses
vixerit : ita euncti solstitiali morbo decidunt.
Phil. Credo ego istuc, Stasime, ita esse ; sed Campans
genus multo Surorum iam antidit patientia. sed istest ager profecto, ut te audivi loqui, malos in quem omnes publiee mitti decet, sieut fortunatorum memorant insulas, quo euncti qui aetatem egerint caste suam 550
eonveniant ; contra istoc detrudi maleficos aequom videtur, qui quidem istius sit modi.
Stas. Hospitium est calamitatis : quid verbis opust ?
quamvis malam rem quaeras, illic reperias.
Phil. At tu hercle et illi et alibi.
^ Sunstroke, fever, or malaria.
148
THREE BOB DAY
WTiy, sir, never a soul owned that farm without things turning out perfectly aw^ful for him : some of its owners went into exile, others died off, others — hanged themselves. And just look at its present o\^-ner — swept right off the board ! Preserve me from a farm like that ! You'd say " preserve me " all the more, sir, if you heard the whole stor}-. Yes sir, every other tree is struck by lightning ; the swine all sicken and die from awful attacks of — quinsy ; the sheep get mang}', they've no more wool on 'em than — look ! — than this hand here. And besides that, the slaves — S}Tians, the most enduring breed there is — not one of 'em that stayed there six months is alive to-day: that's how they're all carried off by the — midsummer complaint.^
{gravely) That is no doubt true, Stasimus ; by now, however, the Campanian ^ breed far excels the S\Tians in endurance. But from your description, that farm would ob\iously be an ideal public con- centration-camp for evil-doers, something like those Isles of the Blest they tell of, where men whose lives on earth were pure all congregate. Conversely, it would seem fitting for malefactors to be packed off to that farm, it being, of course, the sort you say.
It's Calamity Headquarters, sir. WTiy say more? If it's trouble you look for — any kind — there's where to find it.
(turning away) Hm ! Well, for yourself it might be there or elsewhere.
- Campanians had been sold as slaves by the Romans during the war with Hannibal, since many of them had sided with him.
149
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Stas. Cave sis dixeris
me tibi dixisse hoc. Phil. Dixisti arcano satis.
Stas. Quin hie quidem cupit ilium ab se abalienarier,
si quem reperire possit cui os sublinat. Phil. Meus quidem hercle numquam fiet.
Stas. Si sapies quidem.
lepide hercle de agro ego hunc senem deterrui ;
nam qui vivamus nihil est, si ilium amiserit. Phil. Redeo ad te, Lesbonice.
Lesb. Die sodes mihi,
quid hie est locutus tecum .'' Phil. Quid censes ? homost :
volt fieri liber, verumi quod det non habet. Lesb. Et ego esse locuples, verum nequiquam volo.
Stas. Licitumst, si velles ; nunc, quom nihil est, non
licet. Lesb. Quid tecum, Stasime ?
Stas. De istoc quod dixti modo ;
si ante voluisses, esses ; nunc sero cupis. Phil. De dote mecum convenire nil potest :
quid tibi lubet tute agito cum nato meo.
nunc tuam sororem fiUo posco meo.
quae res bene vortat. quid nunc ? etiam con- sulis ? Lesb. Quid istic ? quando ita vis : di bene vortant.
spondeo. Stas. Numquam edepol quoiquam tam expectatus
filius
natus quam illuc est spondeo natum mihi.
di fortunabunt vostra consilia. 150
THREE BOB DAY
(deciding no insult is intended) Please, sir, don't tell
I told you this.
Oh, yours is a confidential tale, quite.
Indeed, sir, he's simply crazy to get rid of it, if he
can only find someone to make a chump of.
It shall never belong to me, no indeed.
No indeed, sir, if you've got sense, {aside, as
Philto returns to Lesbonicus) There! I frightened
the old boy off the farm in grand style. Lord!
We've nothing to live on, if he lets that go.
Here I am again, Lesbonicus.
{coming out of his reverie) May I ask you to tell me
what he had to say to you ?
{lightly) Wliat do you suppose? Being human, he
wants to be a free man, but lacks the wherewithal.
{drearily) And I want to be a rich man, but want in
vain.
{in a low tone) Could have been, if you had wanted;
now nothing's left, you can't be.
What's that soliloquy, Stasimus ?
About what you just said: if you'd wanted it
before, you would be ; now your desire's too late.
{to Lesbonicus, silent and morose) Nothing can be
settled with me about the dowry : handle the
matter yourself as you like with my boy. {formally,
disregarding Lesbonicus' impatient gesture) I now
request that you give your sister to my son. And
heaven bless the match ! {Lesbonicus remains silent)
What now .'' Still deliberating ?
{finally and tempestuously) Have your way ! Since
that is your wish — God's blessing on it ! Agreed !
Oh, Lord ! No one ever waited and yearned for a
son to be born as I have for the birth of that
" Agreed." Heaven prosper your designs, sirs !
VOL. V. »
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Phil. Ita volo.
Lesb. Sed, Stasime, abi hue ad meam sororem ad
Calliclem,
die hoc negoti quo mode actumst. Stas. Ibitur.
Lesb. Et gratulator meae sorori.
Stas. Scilicet.
Phil. I hae, Lesbonice, meeum, ut coram nuptiis 580
dies constituatur ; eadem haee confirmabi- mus.^ Lesb. Die Callieh, me ut convenat.
Stas. Quin tu i mode.
Lesb. De dote ut videat quid opus sit facto.
Stas. I modo.
Lesb. Nam certumst sine dote haud dare.
Stas. Quin tu i modo.
Lesb. Neque enim ilh damno umquam esse patiar —
Stas. Abi modo.
Lesb. Meam neglegentiam.
Stas. I modo.
Lesb. Nullo modo
aequom videtur quin quod peccarim — Stas. I modo.
Lesb. Potissimium mi id obsit.
Stas. I modo.
Lesb. O pater,
enumquam aspiciam te ? Stas. I modo, i modo, i modo. 590
tandem impetravi abiret. di vestram fidem,
edepol re gesta pessume gestam probe,
si quidem ager nobis salvos est ; etsi admodum
1 Leo brackets following v., 582 : Lesb. Tu istuc cura quod iussi. ego iam hie ero.
THREE BOB DAY
I hope so.
But, Stasimus, go and see my sister there at
Callicles', and tell her how we've arranged things.
Go I will !
And congratulate my sister.
Of course.
Lesbonicus, come along with me, so that all of us
together may fix the wedding day. At the same
time we will confirm this agreement.^
[exit. (to Stasimus; still more tempestuous) Tell CalUcles to meet me.
Yes, yes, only you go now.
So as to see what must be done about the dowry. Only do go !
For no dowr\', no marriage, and that's final. (in great distress) Yes, yes, only you go now ! No indeed, I'll never let her lose by — Only do be gone ! — my owii heedlessness. Only do go !
The only thing that seems fair is for my offences — Only do go !
— to fall hardest on my own head- Only do go !
(almost breaking dorm) Oh, father, shall I never see your face again ? Only do go ! Only do go ! Only do go !
[exit Lesbonicus. (rvith Tveary satisfaction) At last I've got him to be gone ! Lord love us ! Ah, here's a happy ending to a bad beginning, that is, if the farm's saved for us !
* V. 582 : Lesb. (to Stasimus) See you do what I ordered. I shall soon be back here.
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
in ambiguo est etiam nunc quid ea re fuat. sed id si alienatur, actumst de collo meo, gestandust peregre clupeus, galea, sarcina: efFugiet ex urbe, ubi erunt factae nuptiae, ibit istac, aliquo, in maximam malam crucem, latrocinatum, aut in Asiam aut in Ciliciam. ibo hue quo mi imperatumst, etsi odi banc
domum, postquam exturbavit hie nos ex nostris aedibus.
ACTVS III
Call. Quo modo tu istuc, Stasime, dixti ?
Stas. Nostrum erilem filium
Lesbonicum suam sororem despondisse. em hoc modo. Call. Cui homini despondit ? Stas. Lysiteli Philtonis filio,
sine dote. Call. Sine dote ille illam in tantas divitias dabit ?
non credible dicis. Stas. At tu edepol nullus creduas.
sic hoc non credis, ego credidero — Call. Quid?
Stas. Me nihili pendere.
Call. Quam dudum istuc aut ubi actumst ? Stas. Ilico hie ante ostium,
tam modo, inquit Praenestinus. Call. Tanton in re perdita,
quam in re salva Lesbonicus factus est frugalior ?
154
THREE BOB DAY
Yet that's something there's considerable un- certainty about still, {pauses, then disgustedly) If it is given away, though, I'll get things in the neck, sure enough — as his shield, helm and pack bearer in foreign service. He'll flee the city once the wedding's over, and be off yonder somewhere, (tvith a random gesture) bound for particular blazes, soldiering in Asia or Cilicia. (after same unpleasant thoughts) Well, I'll go here where I was told, even though I've loathed the place ever since Callicles bundled us out of it, our own home.
[exit.
ACT III
ENTER Collides AND Sfostmus.
(^flustered) How's that .'' What did you say, Stasimus ?
(impertinent) That our young master Lesbonicus has
betrothed his sister. There you are ! That's how.
Betrothed her to whom ?
Lysiteles, Philto's son — without a douTy.
He marry her into all that money without a dowry ?
Incredible !
Huh ! Gad ! Credit's not to be expected from you.
But if you don't credit this, I'll (darkly) be
crediting
(sharply) What !
(changing his intentions) — myself with not giving a
damn.
How long ago was it done ? Or where ?
Right in front of this door. " a little back." as
Praenestines say.
(ironically) So Lesbonicus ruined has turned much
thriftier than Lesbonicus rich, eh ?
^55
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Sias. Atque equidem ipsus ultro venit Philto oratum filio. Call. Flagitium quidem hercle fiet, nisi dos dabitur
virgini. postremo edepol ego istam rem ad me attinere
intellego. ibo ad meum eastigatorem atque ab eo consilium
petam. Stas. Propemodum quid illic festinet sentio et subolet
mihi : ut agro evortat Lesbonicum, quando evortit
aedibus. o ere Charmides, quam apsenti hie tua res distrahi-
tur tibi ! utinam te rediisse salvom videam, ut inimicos tuos ulciscare, ut mihi, ut erga te fui et sum, referas
gratiam. nimium difficilest reperiri amicum ita ut nomen
eluet, 620
quoi tuam quom rem credideris, sine omni cura
dormias.
sed generum nostrum ire eccillum video cum
adfini suo.
nescio quid non satis inter eos convenit : celeri gradu
eunt uterque, ille reprehendit hunc priorem pallio.
haud ineuscheme astiterunt. hue aliquantum
apscessero : est lubido orationem audire duorum adfinium.
III. 2.
Lys. Sta ilico, noli avorsari neque te occultassis mihi. Lesb. Potin ut me ire quo profectus sum sinas ? Lys. Si in rem tuam,
Lesbonice, esse videatur, gloriae aut famae, sinam.
156
THREE BOB DAY
Sias. And what's more, Philto came himself, of his own accord, to beg her for his son.
CeUl. (half to himself) Bless my soul I Not to give the girl a dowry will be perfectly scandalous, (aside) Heavens, yes ! In short, I see I must take a hand in this. I'll go to that castigator of mine and call on him for ad\'ice.
[exit hurriedly into Megaronides' house.
Stas. (glowering after him) I've got a pretty good idea, a pretty good inkling of why he's gone tearing off — so as to do Lesbonicus out of the farm, now he's done him out of the house. Ah, poor master Charmides, the way your estate's being scrambled here in vour absence ! Oh, to see you safely back, so as to revenge yourself on your enemies, and (smugly) also to give my past and present loyalty its due reward I How hard it is to find a friend that Uves up to the name, a man you can trust your interests to, then go to sleep without a single care. (looking dorim the street) Aha, though ! Here comes our son-in-law with his new relative. Things aren't going too well between them somehow — both walking fast, master in front and Lysiteles clutching his cloak. Ha ! They've stopped ! That's not so un — aufait ! I'll just step a bit aside here, (retires) I should love to hear the speechif^-ing of these two relatives.
Scene 2. enter Lesbonicus, Lysiteles clinging to him.
Lys. Come, come, stand still ! Don't turn away and hide your face from me.
(distraught) Can't you let me go my way ? If your way seemed profitable to you, Lesbonicus, if it led to honour or repute, I'd let you.
157
TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS
Lesb. Quod est facillumum, facis. Lys.